Keeping It Together When Everything Feels Like It's Falling Apart

In this episode, Tara tackles the challenge of how to keep it together when life feels like it’s falling apart. She shares a personal story about managing chaos during a flea infestation with her five dogs (surprise twist, there’s a lot of dog pee involved!) and uses it to discuss how to handle stress and overwhelm when everything seems to go wrong. Tara breaks down practical steps for navigating burnout and stress, including how to prioritize what really matters, tips for staying grounded during chaotic moments, and why it’s essential to give yourself grace when life doesn’t go as planned. She reminds listeners that while the chaos may feel overwhelming, burnout recovery is possible, and you’re more capable of handling life’s curveballs than you think.

Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic.

00:00 Introduction: A Day in the Life

00:13 The Flea Infestation Fiasco

01:44 The Pee-pocalypse

03:08 Finding Humor in Chaos

03:27 Strategies to Keep It Together

05:48 The Myth of Multitasking

06:36 Prioritizing and Taking It One Step at a Time

08:21 Lowering Expectations and Avoiding Burnout

11:19 Embracing Excellence Over Perfection

11:45 Giving Yourself Grace

12:11 Handling Life's Messiness

13:06 Building Resilience Through Self-Compassion

15:26 The Temporary Nature of Tough Times

20:21 Navigating Chaos Without Losing Your Mind

Chapters

• 0:00 A Day in the Life: Flea Infestation Chaos
• 2:30 The Pee-pocalypse: When Things Go Wrong
• 3:57 Finding Sanity in Chaos: How to Cope
• 6:36 The Myth of Multitasking: Focus on One Thing
• 9:07 Lowering Expectations: Avoiding Burnout
• 12:02 Perfection vs. Excellence
• 12:34 Giving Yourself Grace
• 13:00 Handling Life's Messiness
• 14:51 Self-Compassion and Resilience
• 16:15 This Too Shall Pass
• 21:13 Navigating Chaos

Transcript

[00:00:00] Have you ever had one of those days where you think you've got everything handled, and then life looks at you and laughs and decides to test your sanity? So today I've got a little story for you. A while back, we had to get the house treated for a flea infestation. This was like, Probably close to two years ago now.

And if you don't know, Jay and I have five dogs. I know, I know, we're crazy. I know. Believe me, I know. We often get asked what's wrong with us, but either way, yes, we have five dogs. And listen, trying to wrangle five dogs during a flea treatment is an adventure on its own. Because they can't be in the house while the treatment is happening and for like two hours afterwards.

And I work from home and Jay goes into the office every day, but y'all there is no way I can handle all five dogs on my own at the [00:01:00] same time. I mean, we have a Lab, a German Shorthaired Pointer, a Labradoodle Mix, and two aging Shih Tzus. It's chaos here all the damn time. So Jay came home early from work that day to help me out.

Bless him. He takes our three bigger dogs to the park to burn off some energy while I'm left to just chill outside with our two little ones and kind of keep an eye on the exterminator. Solid plan so far. So after we wait the appropriate amount of time before we can bring the dogs back in, we drop them all off at home and head out to dinner.

I think it was actually Jay's birthday. So this was probably, this was really like two years ago because he just had his birthday. I guess. Anyways, so we go to dinner and then we walk in after dinner and immediately I'm like, oh shit, there's a giant puddle in the dog's crate. One of the big dogs had peed everywhere.[00:02:00] 

I mean everywhere. Like we're talking a lake filling up the floor of the crate and the big kids are just there standing in it. And actually Jen and Winston, the lab and Labradoodle were swooshing it around with their tails. It was so disgusting. Jay and I are trying to get these giant dogs out of the house without them dragging pee prints all over the damn place.

One of us is tackling the actual dog cleanup and the other is on puddle patrol. It's a mess but we finally get it sorted out. We breathe a sigh of relief. We go ahead and put the dogs back into their crate and we sit down for probably like five minutes and then we hear it. That sound of liquid hitting the floor again.

We turn around and sure enough, Jin is peeing again. As we're just watching it happen. Because there was nothing we could do about it. [00:03:00] It was one of those, you've got to be kidding me moments. Where you just have to laugh because honestly, what else can you do? And that's kind of the point of today's episode.

Because sometimes when it feels like everything is falling apart, It's just one thing after another, and you've got a few options. Lose your mind, throw in the towel, scream into the void, or figure out how to get through it. And we're gonna go with how to get through it today. So let's talk about how to actually keep it together when everything feels like it's crumbling around you.

Because we've all been there, right? Maybe it's not a house full of pee, but I know you've had those moments where you're like, Okay, universe. What's next? Like maybe your boss just emailed you with an urgent project, right as your kid starts projectile vomiting. And oh look, your Wi Fi just went out too. Or maybe you're knee deep [00:04:00] in a work project that's falling apart at the seams, while your personal life feels like it's being held together with scotch tape and a prayer.

Whatever it is, you're in it. And you're just waiting for the next catastrophe to land. It's overwhelming. It feels like the walls are closing in and you're standing there with your to do list wondering how the hell you're gonna make it through the day. I've been there and I know you've been there. And here's the good news.

You don't have to have it all figured out. I promise. You don't need to have a perfectly mapped out plan for how to tackle every curveball life throws at you. So let's talk about what it does look like to keep it together when everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. How do you stay grounded when life is throwing punch after punch?

How do you prioritize when your list of to dos is longer than the time you've got to tackle them? How do you give yourself grace? When [00:05:00] everything feels like it's falling apart and you're not sure how to put it back together. First things first, let's get one thing straight off the bat. You gotta let go of the need to fix everything right now.

Seriously. I know that voice in your head is saying, but if I don't handle it all, who will? And trust me, I get it, cause I have that voice too. We put so much pressure on ourselves to handle everything perfectly all at once. But that's exactly where the stress comes from. It's this pressure to keep it all together, make everything look good, feel good, and go exactly according to plan.

But it won't. And that's okay. When you're in the middle of chaos, you've got to give yourself permission to prioritize. Because here's the thing. Multitasking is a straight up lie. And science backs me up on this. Studies show that multitasking actually makes you less productive. [00:06:00] Your brain isn't designed to switch between five tasks at once.

Every time you're jumping from one thing to another, your brain has to recalibrate. Like a computer trying to open a bunch of tabs all at once. And guess what? It slows you down. What you're really doing here isn't multitasking at all. It's actually called task switching. And studies show that task switching makes you about 40 percent less efficient.

That's almost half your productivity just poof! Gone. Because your brain's trying to juggle too many things at once. So when the shit is hitting the fan and it feels like too much, I want you to stop, take a breath, and ask yourself, What's the one thing you can handle today? What's the thing that will make the most difference if you just focus on that?

Do that, and give yourself a break on the rest. Like the day of the peepocalypse in our house, we [00:07:00] couldn't clean up the mess while worrying about dogs running through it. We had to focus on one thing at a time. So we got the dogs outside first. That was priority number one, because we had to keep the damn dogs from tracking pee paw prints all over the house.

And once they were outside, we could then focus on tackling the mess inside one thing at a time. It's all about taking things step by step. So you don't get buried under the weight of everything hitting you at once. Look, you're not going to fix it all in one go, but if you tackle one then move on to the next.

You'll get through more than you thought possible by the end of the day. If your inbox is exploding, maybe the first step is clearing out those urgent emails. If your house is a total disaster, maybe it's doing the dishes and ignoring the laundry for now. One thing at a time. That's all you need to focus on.

It's a mindset really. When you shift your [00:08:00] focus to just handling the most pressing thing in front of you, you're giving your brain space to breathe. You're no longer frantically jumping between tasks, stressing out about what you haven't done. Instead, you're making tangible progress on one thing, which feels a hell of a lot better than getting stuck in overwhelm, right?

And that brings me to step two, lower your expectations. I know it sounds counterintuitive, especially in a world that constantly tells us to push harder, do more to be better. But sometimes we set these impossible standards for ourselves, especially when we're already stressed. I mean, do you really need to send out that perfectly worded email at 10pm when your brain feels like mashed potatoes?

Or could it maybe, just maybe, wait until tomorrow when you've had a little sleep? I think we all know the answer, but that voice in our heads is like, No, no, [00:09:00] I have to do this now. And for what? To prove that we can handle it? To feel like we're still keeping it all together when really we're about to lose it?

I know it's hard, believe me. I'm a recovering perfectionist. But if you're trying to do everything at 110%, you're setting yourself up for burnout. You don't need to have everything done to a T. There is a big difference between excellence and perfection. Excellence means you're doing your best with what you've got today.

It means you're showing up, you're putting in the effort, and you're making progress, even if it's messy. Perfection, on the other hand, well, perfection means that you're driving yourself into the ground, trying to meet impossible standards that, let's be honest, no one can meet. Perfection isn't happening.

It never [00:10:00] does. And deep down, I think we all know that, but we keep chasing it anyway because we think it makes us good enough. But let me tell you, you're already good enough. You don't need to be perfect to be worthy of success, or happiness, or a freaking break. There are no gold stars for running yourself into the ground.

Like seriously, no one is out there handing out trophies for being the most exhausted, the most stressed, or the most overwhelmed. You don't win anything for hitting burnout. So why are we still chasing that imaginary finish line? You've got to pick and choose what really matters. Some days, the wind might be getting everyone dressed and fed.

Other days, it's knocking that presentation out of the park. And guess what? Both are wins. I think we forget that sometimes. Like, we get so wrapped up in this idea that [00:11:00] success has to be big and shiny and Instagram worthy. But honestly, success is relative. Did you get most of your stuff done today?

Awesome. Did you only get one thing checked off the list? Hey, that's still awesome. Because here's the deal. Perfection is paralyzing. It stops you in your tracks because you're so afraid of doing something wrong that you end up doing nothing. Or worse, you push yourself so hard trying to meet these impossible standards that you run yourself into the ground.

But when you aim for excellence, instead of perfection, you give yourself permission to be human. You give yourself permission to make mistakes, to have off days and to still be proud of the progress you're making. Now this next one is probably the hardest. You've got to give yourself some grace. We set these ridiculously high expectations for ourselves.

And when we inevitably fall [00:12:00] short, what do we do? We beat ourselves up. We start running that mental loop of all the things we should have done, all the ways we could have handled it better, or how we just completely failed because we didn't get it all right. But life is messy. And sometimes it feels like it's going to hell in a hand basket.

And no matter how much planning, organizing, or effort you put in, Things just go sideways. That doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human. Look, sometimes your dog pees all over the floor. Twice. In one night. And all you can do is laugh and deal with it. You do the best you can with what you've got in that moment.

And that's enough. It's not about having every detail of your life perfectly managed. It's about knowing that yeah, things are going to go wrong and that's part of the deal. It's okay. You're allowed to have dumpster fire days. Those days where [00:13:00] everything that could go wrong, does go wrong, and you're left wondering what cosmic force decided to make you the punchline of the day.

We all have those days. But what matters is how you react to it. When everything hits the fan, do you start tearing yourself apart, replaying the day in your head, and criticizing yourself for not being able to do it all? Or do you take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you're doing the best you can with what you've got?

Because let me tell you, you're not failing because life got messy. You're not failing because you didn't check off every box on your to do list. And you're not failing because you couldn't keep it all together. You're allowed to have bad days. You're allowed to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. And you don't have to be perfect and you sure as hell don't have to have everything together 24 7.

In fact, no one does. I don't care how much someone's Instagram or social media makes it look like their life is a perfectly [00:14:00] filtered masterpiece. They've got their own shit behind the scenes. Trust me. There's a study that found that people who practice self compassion are more resilient in the face of setbacks.

So if you're giving yourself a hard time when things don't go perfectly, it's actually working against you. You are draining your energy, burning out your emotional reserves and making it harder to bounce back when life throws you another curveball. But when you're kind to yourself, when you let go of the need to be perfect and give yourself permission to just be human, that's when you build real resilience.

Self compassion is like a buffer. It helps you recover faster when things don't go as planned. So instead of spiraling into self doubt and frustration, you're able to dust yourself off and keep going. Think about it. If your best friend came to you and said, I'm so frustrated, I feel like I'm failing.

Would you tell her? Yeah, you're totally right. You suck. You should be [00:15:00] doing more. Of course not. You'd remind her how much she's handling, how well she's doing, and that it's okay to have a bad day. So why is it so hard for us to do that for ourselves? We've got to start treating ourselves with the same kindness and grace we'd give anyone else.

Because the truth is, things are going to fall apart sometimes. But that doesn't mean you have to fall apart with it. Lastly, as cliche as it sounds, This too shall pass. I know it's the kind of thing that you hear and roll your eyes at because in the moment when everything's a mess, it doesn't feel like it's ever going to get better.

But the truth is the chaos, the overwhelm, the hot mess express you're currently riding, it doesn't last forever. You're not going to be in this state forever. I want you to really sit with that for a second. The storm you're in [00:16:00] right now, the stress that feels like it's pressing down on you, It's not permanent.

It might feel like you're drowning in it today, but it's not where you're going to live forever. And sometimes just knowing that, just reminding yourself of that, can help you keep going. When you're in the thick of it, it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, right? It feels like you're stuck in this never ending cycle of stress, like nothing's ever going to change.

You wake up, you tackle your to do list, maybe handle a crisis or two, and then you go to bed exhausted only to do it all over again the next day. And in those moments, it can feel like there's no way out. Like this is just how life is now. But I promise you, it's not. Here's the thing about life. It moves.

It changes. Even when you feel like you're stuck in place, life is constantly [00:17:00] shifting around you. The tough times, they're temporary. The stress, the overwhelm, the I can't do this moments, they don't last forever. But when you're deep in it, it's easy to forget that. It's easy to feel like this is your new normal, like things are never going to get better.

But they do. They always do. Think about all the other hard moments in your life. The times where you felt like everything was falling apart, where you didn't know how you were going to make it through. But you did though, right? You made it through. The sky didn't fall. The world didn't end. You're still here, listening to this podcast, breathing, surviving, and dare I say thriving, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

And the same thing will happen with whatever you're going through today. It's temporary. [00:18:00] It feels huge and overwhelming in this moment, but in the grand scheme of things, it's just a blip. But I get it. When you're in it, it feels like forever. When everything is falling apart around you, it's hard to believe that things will ever calm down or feel normal again.

It's like standing in the middle of a tornado, trying to picture a sunny day. It feels impossible, but that tornado? It's going to pass. Storms always do, and when it does, you'll find yourself standing in the quiet, wondering how you ever doubted that you'd make it through. Let me give you a little perspective.

The stress and chaos that's weighing you down right now, a year from now, it's probably going to feel like a distant memory. You might even look back on this moment, this hot mess express of a day, and laugh at how overwhelming it felt, because you'll have made it through. The problem that feels huge [00:19:00] and unsolvable today will be one of those remember when moments down the line.

A bad month, a season of stress, they're just that, seasons. They come, they go, and you keep moving forward. Even in nature, everything happens in cycles. There are seasons of growth, and there are seasons where things seem to fall apart. But those tough seasons, they make way for new growth. Winter might seem long, but spring always comes, every single time.

You don't have to force it. You just have to keep going, trusting that this tough time will eventually pass just like every other tough time you've faced. That's why it's so important to remind yourself in those really tough moments that this is just a season. It's not forever. You don't need to have everything figured out right now.

You don't need to solve every problem today. [00:20:00] You just need to keep moving forward one step at a time until the storm passes and it will pass. You will come out on the other side of this. And when you do, you'll be able to look back and say, I made it through that. So take a deep breath, remind yourself that this too shall pass and keep moving forward one day, one moment at a time.

Because I promised you, you're going to be okay. Look, I'm not saying you'll never have another meltdown moment, or that your dogs won't ever pee in their crates again, because trust me, they will. Chaos will still find its way to your doorstep, but you can learn to navigate those moments and without completely losing your mind.

You can handle the mess without letting it consume you. Even on the days when everything is falling apart and you're like one stubbed toe away from a full on meltdown, you're stronger than you think. And if [00:21:00] today's the kind of day where you just want to throw up your hands and say, I give up, know that you're not alone.

We all have those days. You're allowed to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted because that's part of being human. But don't let those feelings make you believe that you're not capable of handling it. The reality is, some days will be harder than others. And some days will feel like a complete disaster from start to finish.

But just because it feels like everything's a mess doesn't mean you are. You've handled tough days before and you'll handle them again. Learn And each time you do, you get a little bit better at it. You become more resilient and more adaptable. You start to realize that even when life feels like a shit show, you're still in control of how you respond to it.

You don't have to fix everything right now. You don't have to have all the answers. [00:22:00] Sometimes just getting through the day. is enough. If this episode spoke to you or if you know someone who's in the middle of their own falling apart moment, do them a favor and send this their way. We're all in this crazy life together and sometimes we just need to hear that we're not alone.

I'll catch you next time and remember you're a badass even when it feels like everything's a shit show. Because being a badass isn't about having it all together all the time. It's about showing up, doing your best, and keeping it moving. Even when things feel like they're falling apart.