Cracking Burnout in Helping Roles with Ina Qema

Today's episode gets into burnout in the helping professions with special guest Ina, a therapist and mentor. 

Ina shares her journey from experiencing burnout to mastering balance and leadership in her field. Learn the importance of self-care, boundary-setting, and focusing on strengths to maintain a healthy work-life balance. 

Get ready for actionable tips and inspiring stories tailored for therapists, coaches, and caregivers. 

Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic.   

To connect with Ina on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ina_qema/

00:00 Introduction to Burnout in Helping Professions
00:39 Meet Ina: Therapist, Coach, and Mentor
01:21 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries
04:48 Focusing on Strengths Over Weaknesses
13:05 The Turning Point: Ina's Journey to Balance
19:25 Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
26:34 Mentoring Therapists: Stepping into Leadership
29:58 Defining Success and Managing Overwhelm
35:20 Final Thoughts and How to Connect with Ina

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Burnout in Helping Professions
• 1:25 Meet Ina: Therapist, Coach, and Mentor
• 2:07 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries
• 5:34 Focusing on Strengths Over Weaknesses
• 14:35 The Turning Point: Ina's Journey to Balance
• 20:55 Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
• 29:27 Mentoring Therapists: Stepping into Leadership
• 32:51 Defining Success and Managing Overwhelm
• 38:13 Final Thoughts and How to Connect with Ina

Transcript

Ina Qema : [00:00:00] so much for having me.

Tara: We're chatting about burnout in the helping professions, which I know is a huge field of folks that of the work they do experience burnout quite regularly. And if you've ever wondered how therapists, how coaches, how caregivers keep their crap together, gotta be honest with you and say that probably a lot of them are struggling behind the scenes.

Um, at least as someone who has experienced it herself as well. that's why I'm here. We've brought in our guest today. Ina is a therapist. She's a coach and mentor who knows exactly what it does feel like. So Ina turned her own experience with burnout into a mission to help other therapists step into their leadership potential, set some boundaries that they need and find harmony between their work and personal lives, which is a [00:01:00] great fit for the balance, bad ass podcast. So Ina says that she's cracked the code on being a successful therapist without sacrificing your wellbeing. So I'm really excited for her to share with us how you can do the same in your field of work. So I want to jump right into it and say, welcome to the balanced badass podcast, Ina.

Ina Qema : Thank you, Tara. Thank you for having me here. And I'm very excited to speak on a topic like this that, uh, we think a lot, but we don't hear much or have a space, and especially as like health professionals and specialist therapies where we give the space to others versus like thinking about where is the space for ourselves?

Tara: Yes, absolutely. It's so important. I'm so glad you brought that up right from the get go that, you know, we, we turn to folks for help a lot of times. Professions and fields that are focused and centered around that giving nature. But many of us that are receiving that gift back [00:02:00] are not often thinking about the mental toll, the physical toll, the emotional toll that this does play those individuals and not that that is our burden as you know, the person receiving the gift, but it is something that I think awareness needs to be built around because If those folks aren't taking care of themselves, then we're going to have less and less of those folks in the field to be able to do that work.

Yeah.

Ina Qema : and also normalizing it that it doesn't make you Um someone who can't help anymore. It doesn't make you someone who you can't use your gift or talent um to humanity, but it means that this is where the strength lies and um When I was a student in my master's program, I never believed it until I really tried it myself You know those stubborn kids when your parents tell you something you're like, what are you talking about?

I But then when you see it, it's real. And you're like, wow, like this was an advice I got like on the first year [00:03:00] before even becoming a therapist. And I only embodied it like five years after

Tara: I want to jump right into it. And I always start, I mentioned this to you earlier when we were kind of in our pre chat, but I always start my conversations with the same icebreaker question, what is something that you are just loving in your life right now?

Ina Qema : everything. Um, I, at right now, at this point, I'm actually loving everything, the opportunities, the past experiences. Um, my family, myself, the time with me, with the kids, with my friends, colleagues, um, and the whole support system. Um, but to wrap up all of this, when I say everything, it's the peace I actually received from all of those channels that they help, uh, be me or be part of my life.

Tara: It sounds like you have Really some great alignment [00:04:00] right now in all facets of your life, which is bringing that sense of peace and that could just tell, like looking at you, like the energy that you were even giving off on, for those that can see the video, but even probably just by your voice that you really are loving everything in your life right now, which is awesome.

And I love asking this question. I think a lot of times we get so bogged down with like what's not working and the challenges that we're facing. And so I always want to start any podcast or any conversation with a question like that, because it helps you put folks in the right mindset and to really think about what's possible versus what's challenging and struggling in their lives.

Ina Qema : Yeah, and I love that that you do that. Um, this is something that over the years I've even seen in therapy, but also among the colleagues and people I mentor that out there, especially in the days we live in, there is so much. [00:05:00] insecurities, negativity, people point out what don't you have, what's wrong with you, what you can do better.

And it's rarely like we focus on like, but what is going good? Because not everything has to go wrong. You know, um, we have increased a lot on like the complaining part. And then at some point I, uh, turned over my sessions and we'll start What is a good highlight of your week? What was something good, you know, and like trigger people into that.

Like there is a balance where it's good. There is bad, where it's bad. There is good. A little bit more, a little bit less, but we focus on the things that we lack, the deficiencies maybe we carry as humans. And they write our stories, which is very dark down there. And I love that you do that to like spark it up.

And through research, we found out that, um, three positives. Are equal to one negative. That's how big the negative energy pulls on into you. If you had, if your whole day was amazing, but at the end, like, I don't [00:06:00] know, the bus stop, a stop before your house, it ruins the whole day. And that's the power of it.

So to understand the power of that, uh, negative. Positive balance, it takes a lot out of ourselves and that's where, uh, we need to focus more in what we do best, what we like and in our strengths and use the strengths more because yes, we always are going to be on improving our weaknesses, but hey, who's relying on our strengths?

That's why we're here for to show our strengths. Okay.

Tara: Yeah, I'm such a huge proponent for strengths too. Um, I really love the work that Gallup has done around strengths. I don't know if you're familiar, but, um, Prior in my prior life and education, I did some facilitation on the Clifton strengths assessment and the whole concept of like it, the energy that you put in to, tap into your strengths that naturally [00:07:00] come to you is so far less of an energy suck than the energy that you put into improving things that are weaknesses or areas of growth for you. And not saying like you said, that you don't need to focus on those areas, but Understanding where you're spending your energy really does make a difference. And it helps your mindset so much better as building confidence. What I've learned is focusing on your strengths versus focusing on your weaknesses, because it's basically like when you go to write something, you pick up a pen with your dominant hand.

You don't think about it. You just know. You pick up with your dominant hand, unless you're ambidextrous, then you may think about it a little bit more, but most of us just, like, I'm right handed, I pick up a pen naturally with my right hand. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to exude too much energy to write anything. If I switch over to my left hand and try with my non dominant hand, it's a [00:08:00] struggle all the way.

Ina Qema : And also like you're bringing this, it brings that sense of like, what is growth? Um, from most of the people, even from therapists, I heard that the growth is when you improve your weaknesses, improve things that maybe you're deficient on or you lack on, or you do something. Extra within yourself, something that you didn't have before, maybe a skill you didn't have before, or an ability.

Um, and observing, surveying, following through with treatments. Actually the growth showed that it was the total opposite of it.

Tara: Mm hmm.

Ina Qema : Um, yes, it is when you increase or improve your weaknesses, your lacks, you improve. Uh, things that you'd like or abilities that you'd like to add into yourself. But also the growth is when you master the skills that you already have.

Just like you said, I don't have to think about when I go with my right hand to the pencil and he's like, yes, more, I use it better. I get it. That's growth. [00:09:00] I'm expanding and I'm creating more space for this strength of mine to be a tool for another person that maybe doesn't have it. So it can be in both sides and ends and people feel like, well, I didn't grow too much last year.

I want to grow because I see lack on one, two, and three. And he's like, hold on. But have you thought about mastering what you already have? Yeah.

Tara: expert with your Strengths that you were naturally born with, or just naturally come to you because of who you are and the makeup of come from and who you grew up with and all those kinds of things. It's really cool. And I love to think about how much of a unique perspective that brings, like you said, it balances the strengths of others that. Are areas of weakness, like, for me, like, that's why I love working and collaborating with folks that have different talents than I do, because 1, I can lean on them for that strength. But also I learned [00:10:00] so much from them because they're in their natural element as well. And so it's a, it's a great exchange, if you will, in that opportunity.

Ina Qema : That's kind of genius. And also looking at like the community, the society has been around for such a long time. Um, and if you think and analyze the structure that we had had for so long and never changed it, we upgraded it to a modern. Life or, uh, presence that we leave or have. Um, but there is a reason why we have different professions, why we specialize and go to school for different things.

If we all were, I don't know, therapists, maybe, right? Who was going to do the rest of the things? Who was going to be the mechanic? Who was going to be the heart doctor? Who was going to be the waiter? Who was going to be, I don't know, like the Uber driver? Like. There is so much diversity, but all of those professions, they take up skills.

So if we go and take it from like [00:11:00] this perspective, well, if you want to do the same thing that Tara is doing, right, great, you can do it, but what do you bring in it as yourself? And you're like, no, no, I want to do it. Like Tara is like, but that's Tara specialty. Those are her strength. She masters those skills naturally.

That's her gift. Find out your own gift. There's a no, no. So it's the same thing as saying like, we all want to be doctors. We all want to be lawyers or we all want to be waitresses. It's like, no, everybody holds a special role and we're crafted different because of what you mentioned before, situations, childhood, uh, gifts, talents, personalities, and all of these other layers.

But when you think about, okay, so we have this society thing structure for so many years. And it still works. And it's the same thing when we compare ourselves to others, which in the first place, I would not recommend it. But in second place, just think when you do that comparison that, Hey, you know, maybe I have something that I need to craft within myself.

And the answers are [00:12:00] only going to be within you. You cannot find it. If you ask Ina or Tara, like, what do you think I should do? We don't know. I don't know. I always tell my clients that bring me here, 20 other scientists, the best from around the globe. No one will ever, ever give you the answers. We are here as professionals, which we have looked into research, growth, we've been trained, we're specialized, we keep observing and doing, um, research or knowing more because you know, if you, if you work with humans, we change, and that's, you know, needed, but only you are the expert of yourself.

We can only guide you. And we're amazing of how deep we can get you together to hold your hand to go down the stairs, but only you have that answer. And you have to tell us. And sometimes like that's very empowering, even to like the clients who are not part of like being a coach or health professionals.

Tara: Yeah, [00:13:00] I just love how we just started that I didn't have anyone gotten to a question yet. This is awesome. Um, think I am going to jump into a question though, now you have said that you've cracked the code for being a successful therapist without burning out. And so I'm curious like what was the turning point for you and how did that lead to the work that you're doing now?

And maybe how that can translate for the listeners who either may be therapists or just working in a helping profession similar.

Ina Qema : Well, it took a lot of years, definitely, practice and experience to find out on your own. Um, and also a huge team behind you. Um, before I had the enough moment, I almost never sat down and reflected on my own to see who was on my back. And sometimes we take those people for granted. [00:14:00] Sometimes it's like, yeah, yeah, because he or she is saying that because they love me or I don't know, like he's my professor or she's my mentor or whatever reason we're giving, or he's my supervisor.

Um, and when you get a point where enough is enough and you take some time for yourself, Um, you start looking things with gratitude and thinking, why did I have to go through that journey? I don't deserve this. I'm a good human. I was only trying to do good in life. And then those are the moments where you look back and say, like, there is a whole village, like, really.

That was behind you to help you get there and hold your hand. But you were so detached from your own self.

Tara: Hmm.

Ina Qema : And that was the part where it really clicked to me that I had everything around me. I, if you would ask me, how did you do all of that? I'll not be able to tell you. Um, I became the chair for marriage and family therapy in New York state.

Um, [00:15:00] Very soon after graduating and to me was just like natural like I don't know Maybe I was in the right time the right place and that that that that that but because you keep going and nothing ever It's enough for you. And then everybody was saying oh my god, you're exceptional and everybody You think that everybody's talking about a different person and it's not you.

You keep going and going and going and trying to like, say, no, I need to do more. I need to do more. And realizing that I had a newborn, um, under my desk when I started doing therapies, beginning conferences, um, because that wasn't enough being a wife and a mom and being in school, seeing clients, um, leading New York state to me wasn't not enough, we needed to do more.

The title was not enough. Um, people around you were setting you in positions where you could make decisions and fill in the gaps or help the profession make the changes. Have your voice heard. Um, and that wasn't enough. [00:16:00] And you know, you feel a dissatisfaction with yourself. But Everything, all of those points, they really come to you being disassociated with yourself, detached from yourself, and you're getting lost in a way of like, what am I doing here?

I almost was audited by the state because I was graduated with double clinical hours. And that wasn't enough for me. I needed to do more, more experience, more clients, and I remember my first supervisor, she's like, you know what, you really need to chill in your sessions. You cannot solve their problem today.

And at the time I did not understand, I felt frustrated. What do you mean? I'm doing my best. But now I truly appreciated that supervisor who really like sat down with me in a very nice way. I never experienced like something like, Throw into your head and be like, no, no, no, you listen, everybody was so patient, which I'm very thankful and grateful.

And, uh, when I started doing the steps, like I said, like take some time for yourself, start with grateful, looking around you, reflecting [00:17:00] back, like, how did you get these things like that? Looking more into yourself, connecting to your inner self, to your deeper self. And really, what is it that you're taking more clients that.

The achievements are not enough. You need more like how further you need to go. You're leading your extended marriage and family therapy. Um, and it's really something about you. Um, it's even that superior self image that you want to create for yourself, the person that you want to create for yourself.

And then you don't even know what the person looks like, or it is, and you get frustrated that you're not that person, but once you really, um, value, see, connect, build a relationship with yourself, um, prioritize yourself, your self care and boundaries. There is a complete change. And I never understood how much of a disservice I was being to my clients before.

Tara: Hello.

Ina Qema : the time from my professors colleagues, but I was thinking that if I didn't show up in the office [00:18:00] that day, something would happen. And how are my clients going to navigate their lives? But meanwhile, in my house, it was firing up my kids. My family, my relationship and to me was so much to solve and he's like, no, no, no Give me three more clients.

Let me go on a Saturday And now then I think it's like who thought that you would use work hours as a self care hours So me that was like I was healing a part of me But also you're doing a lot of disservice to your client because you're just talking the talk to them You're putting band aids on them, but You There is a part of you over there that maybe you're not being present.

Um, you're not having a clarity of what's going on because in therapy, we also have like part of the training self as a therapist, where, you know, how to use part of yourself, uh, in the therapy room. And, you know, I really had to say stop it enough when I didn't have more patients to listen. And I'll be [00:19:00] aggravated with some of like.

But why? Um, at the beginning, I didn't mind seeing clients at 8 p. m. There came a point that I really needed to enforce the boundary, but I felt bad because it's like, but that's the only time she can make it and it's okay. She can find another therapist. You, you can't do that. No, I was going to like make a whole plan how to meet that need for the client and You know, exhausted yourself.

After I did all this reflection and self healing journey, um, the two key things are self care and the boundaries, boundaries don't mean that you're mean, you're aggressive. You have to leave people out. That's what I thought at the beginning, like so much boundaries with clients.

How can I tell my client this is. My business hours or like I can make it I can show up for them No Because also therapy is not only the talk therapy with you in the room therapy is also how you build a relationship with your clients How you lead how you show up sometimes I would overextend my sessions, but they were in [00:20:00] the right moment No, then the thing went so wrong after that ten minute.

That was the kin that ten minute mark I should have Closed it and it wasn't fair for the other client to wait and then the other client and my whole schedule would like be backed off and then my kids. And then the progress notes, uh, and all this line of things that only I caused it to myself. Like I see so many other helping professionals do the same things.

Um, and when you see that everybody's talking to you, but you don't think they're talking to you, or you kind of like put a shield and you don't listen to what they have to say. Um, It's like people offering to be your shortcut, but you really want to go through that pain and experience, which is good, like, I am very thankful.

I went through it because I really like what I know now and what I can lead on. Now I experienced it and I know what it feels like, what it looks like and how much of a toll they take. Over you and understanding and connected more [00:21:00] to those helping professionals that hey, it sounds like 90 percent of us.

We had something going on in our families. We came from a childhood that wasn't easy. We came from patterns that were not healthy, dysfunctional families. Maybe we created a dysfunctional family because of the environment, mindset, lack of resources and all of that.

Tara: I think what I heard throughout most of that is that self awareness is so especially I think for help helping professionals because You got into that field for a reason you're drawn to help people is at least I hope that's why folks get into that field and that can be really hard like you said to set boundaries because if you don't see boundaries as. a way to

Ina Qema : [00:22:00] Right,

Tara: And I say like those things aren't going to the problem necessarily, but they're going to give you the foundation to be able to fix the problem. And when I talk to people about boundaries, I also see that a lot of misconceptions about what boundaries are. People see boundaries as placing it on someone else, but really the boundary is about how you are going to respond. To the situation or to the environment or to the relationship or whatever the boundary is centered around the boundary is really not about the other people.

The boundary is about you and what you need to protect yourself. But if you don't have any self awareness or if you haven't taken that time like you did to self reflect. To really heal through a lot of [00:23:00] the challenging situations that you face, the history that just comes with who you are as a person, as you've grown, then you can't set the appropriate boundaries because you don't know what you need.

And you don't know what you don't know at that point. And I love the whole perspective too of the fact that like you could be doing a disservice to your clients and, and the folks that you're working with. By not modeling the behavior that you're probably likely recommending to them in the first place.

Ina Qema : because you're saying to them that it is okay. Let's say if you are. Extending the hours, like, okay, five more minutes, ten more minutes. Or like, okay, I can see you out of my, um, hours as a therapist. Guess what they're doing? They're going home. Let's say if it's a couple, the wife is saying, well, it's okay if you did it this time.

If it's a kid, let's say, it's okay if mom did that to me one time. Um, so you were giving, [00:24:00] creating that space of allowance and more you allow people within your space, access on things that are really important for you. You will frustrate yourself more. It's the same thing of opening your house door, taking it completely, the door off and people just walking in and out and you're like, but it's okay.

Is it really okay? If people walked in and out of your house without the door, without asking permission or knocking and saying, Hey, Tara, can I come in? So when I realized that that's, that was a ripple effect I was doing to my clients, I said, I felt even more like, Oh my God, I was thinking I was helping them.

I really need to like sit with myself first, because this is a ripple effect that this is not the message I'm giving out there. And I was wondering why we were having. Other issues going on because you were modeling that it is okay. And you confuse people when you say it's okay. It's like, let's say I'm telling you, like, I don't know, Tara, like, I'm going to give you like an hour of my time.

And we'll say like an hour and a half. And I say, well, it's okay, Tara, you know, [00:25:00] um, over the time, the other people that get comfortable with it and say, well, she'll, she's okay with it. And next time we're going to extend it a little bit more and a little bit more. And then. You get frustrated and it impacts the relationship with yourself and also the relationships that you have around.

Tara: The more you give, the more folks will take, and it's not to their fault, or it's probably, least I like to assume it's not ill intent, but you're just showing what you're willing to give. And if you keep doing the little pieces, you said, that creeping kind of comes in, like the calendar creeping, the time creeping, the energy creeping. It slowly starts to shift and you're essentially training the other folks

Ina Qema : Yeah

Tara: what you will and will not accept You can use that to your advantage when it comes to boundaries, but it can also be to your hindrance as well to kind of depending. this kind of leans to my next question too, because of what [00:26:00] I'm seeing and hearing right now in our conversation is That there is a, an expectation of leadership the kind of therapist client relationship. is a leadership role that therapists can play and they may not think of themselves in that or in that vision of as a leader. so I'm curious how you help them step into that leadership role and maybe what it looks like in practice, either for you or for other folks that you work with or talk with.

Ina Qema : Yeah, uh, when it comes to mentoring therapist, I love it because it's like, you know, when you realize something and you're like, no, no, give it to everybody to like learning and have it and knowing exactly how a person feels is like the best shortcut you can do to someone is like, I went through it, but you don't have to go through it, but you will have a different challenge.

Cause as I said, Those are all learning points. Um, we start with, um, [00:27:00] self, um, as a therapist with the beliefs. What do you believe as a therapist, as a human? What are your roles that you play doing a genogram? Just like what we do with other people. I just take the time to see them. So like, You know, it's funny when you do it to the clients, but let's do it to you.

And then, uh, we go through the wheel of life to assess your life in like 360, because everything is important and not everything is going to be skyrocketed. And like, we're in that phase, like we need to put goals and sometimes goals can be very empowering, but also can be very overwhelming because.

As helping professionals, we tend to overcommit, we tend to take on more. Uh, we looking for shortcuts, uh, if I only can do this, um, and also making peace that we cannot change the system, but we can help people around us and elevate them and empower them and just hold space for them.

So really we start with like you and your life and assess and actually your goal [00:28:00] Why are you a therapist? What draw you into this field? What do you want to do? What's your mission with it?

There is a reason you're here. Like you said there is a reason you're here and believe me most of the therapists I've heard enough stories. They're here because They haven't owned in themselves. They want to heal a part of themselves. If they couldn't help themselves as a child, they want to do it for the other kids today.

If they couldn't have helped themselves as a wife, they want to help other females today and empower them. Everybody has a mission when they become a therapist, even though we, tend to be like, I don't know, it's a gift. I just had it in me. It's like if you sit down with it, it's really something that it was a part of you.

You figure it out what to do and how to do it. And now you don't want other people to go through what you went through. Um, because now you have the medicine, you have the cure to cancer in a sense. And the other part, we go through time management, setting boundaries, uh, which is very important, uh, as therapists, um, I sell first, we wear the overbooking of the calendar [00:29:00] as a badge of honor.

And you know, when I realized that I was very upset with myself, because I thought if you're a good therapist, then you'll be booked two months in advance. And it happened, I made it happen. I don't know how, don't ask me how, but it happened. A lot of work, a lot of commitment, a lot of showing up. Um, but there was not a badge of honor you want to wear.

Because think of yourself as a tool, you are like the phone, and as a therapist, as a helping professional, not only therapist, we are the tool to other people to help them, to kind of like fix them in a service, like we take our car for an oil change, that's how are we for people, but also the mechanic or the person who's doing the reprogramming needs to be in a good condition.

If my phone is not working anymore, I need to get a new phone. Right. And then we don't think about it all the time. So really going through that time management, setting boundaries and managing stress and overwhelm, that's the most important part. Once we went through those steps, [00:30:00] then we go to like, what does success looks for you?

Most of the time, one of the mindsets that I had to shift myself was that success wasn't being busy. I thought busy was being successful. Like. You know, like my calendar is full the next two months, you know, you have to wait the third month to book with me. And he's like, no, this is not what that is. This is just your belief.

And from going from like, I'll rest when it's done. Cause I have more to catch up and do. And if I only did this, maybe I can be recognized as the therapist of the year or that, that, that, that, that now rest really fuels your success. Your creativity, your functionality, and if you're there overworking yourself, you're telling your clients, it's okay to keep going.

Don't think about it. Stress. It's okay. Just keep going. We're just causing them more traumas. We're just causing them more place to not have that space to be like, you know, we're just telling them nothing. Just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And that's where the society is in today. And once we define that [00:31:00] success, what does it look for each and everybody of us?

Because it's different. Um, Lifting those limiting beliefs. Like I had the badge of honor for overbooking. Then we go into like, okay, how do you embody it? How would you leave it? What are some routines that if you want to have that life or this is your success, what do we do for it? So then when you leave my program, you are able to carry it and really like transform, have the transformation with you.

Um, I had clients before, which. They were not in a line with my values. They'll come to the program. They'll take the information be like, oh my god This is great. And then they'll go right back to where they were. It's like, okay But what is the point of you taking my program? I love the support. Thank you so much Of course, I need the income but at the same time I'm not feeling well when nothing has changed in your life and you're looking for another course I want this to be a buildup.

Yes. You've always going to need a teaching guide. You're always going to need another point, but not the same thing. We don't reset [00:32:00] from that point. We reset for a new level. We reset for a new chapter, uh, with more skills. We don't reset for the same thing to not break patterns, to not step into the best version of who we are.

Um, and then once I saw that I decided to really like assess who's going to be part of the program, because I really want you to be ready. To do the work, and I don't mind you do the work for six months, one year, it doesn't matter. Not everybody takes three months, you know, not everybody takes one month, because some people, it takes longer to accept or have that awareness.

Uh, we may sit with people and say, it looks like. This is what your reality is. And she's like, no, I think you're wrong. And then a month later, they're like, Oh my God, you were so right about it. So the progress is different and we need to give people the time. But in the end of the day, I really want you to step up for yourself.

Now, later after a year, after six months. We have all the tools and as therapists, I really [00:33:00] felt fueled to this part that as a person, if I have all the tools that I need to crack this code and really model and step into the leadership for the people that I see, for the clients that I see, then I really should take this seriously.

I really should prioritize myself first because I'm telling my client, but what I'm doing, I'm prioritizing them. And my client is going to go home and say, you know what, let me reschedule therapy because my child has. something going on, right?

And, uh, if I have all the tools, I can't make it happen. Imagine the people that don't have those tools and then, um, being mindful that we are humans. We don't learn, uh, by what we hear. We learn, but what we see, and that's the point.

Tara: Yeah, and it, you know, a lot of is so much about, as they say, like practicing what you preach, not just like, not the whole do as I say, you know, not as I do kind of thing, but [00:34:00] really modeling the way of what. You expect, and as a therapist or someone working with another individual, if you're contradicting yourself based on the actions that you're doing versus the things that you're saying and recommending, like you said, it causes confusion for the other person. It really does create. Just this like gray area of like, what do they actually mean? I also think that it can hurt the trust in the relationship because if you're doing one thing, but saying another, me, that's not acting within your integrity, that is not in alignment with who you are. And so I'm going to start questioning. What you're encouraging me to do as someone on the other end, like observing this.

Ina Qema : Yeah.

Tara: I love that you're working with folks to really try to do the personal work first, because that is going to lay the foundation for a successful client, or whatever type of [00:35:00] relationship, the more you understand yourself, the better you can then. Help someone else understand themselves because you're confident in who you are and you know strengths like we started with, your limitations, the values that are important to you and the things that you need to be the best version of yourself for that other person. I'm going to jump to my last question that I mentioned to you that I, I always ask everybody this question as well, because I feel like I get a lot of great insights on this and I think it helps my listeners just think about how they define. Balance and kind of being a badass in their own lives. So as you know, this podcast is the balanced badass podcast. So it's all about really having that balanced living approach with badass results and not losing your edge in the process. So how do you, Ina, define being a balanced badass in your own life?

Ina Qema : Prioritize it. [00:36:00] Um, Balancing being like really a badass to balancing is really prioritizing. Life has so many choices. We have so many take ons nowadays. Shift your mindset from, I have to do it all to it's okay to delegate. That doesn't mean you're weak. That doesn't mean you don't have the ability. That doesn't mean that you're not worthy.

Um, but at the moment. Is leading with what do I have to prioritize today? And also in the prioritization, and I want to share this list. Um, it has worked. It's been very efficient, even for my clients or the therapist that I mentor that just because we're saying prioritize, it's not only one thing. It breaks down to like, what is the urgency to do today that they cannot wait anymore.

And always start with self care. If you do your calendar, Just start with you. Where is the you times that you feel your cups first and then your family time and Appointments that might have and then work. We don't [00:37:00] work to leave We leave to work for the purpose, for the mission, right?

But not to overextend ourselves because like we need the money and like we're going by the lack. But also like we, this is a big disequilibrium, big disbalance. And then after you find the urgencies, you go to the emergencies.

Tara: Hmm.

Ina Qema : is the emergency in that list? And then we go to like, what is something that it's a priority?

And then we go down to like, what is something that it's important? What is important? It is important. Picking up my kids from school. It is important all the time, right? But maybe this podcast, it's a really priority for me that I need to do when I can tell my husband, look, today I really need you to pick up the kids.

That doesn't make me a bad mother. That doesn't make me that I can't do it all. We can do it all, but not at the same time. And there's a reason we live in a community. So really prioritize to your needs at the moment. I know we talk a lot about the past and the [00:38:00] future. But the present is so important and you're gonna get done everything all of your goals Um anything that you want to do in life Everything has a season.

I cannot be five roles at the same time I used to do that before but I was failing in almost all of the projects because I can do this No, you cannot do that from spring season. What can you do? What can you take on right for monday? You What can you do maybe you can I don't know like relax for yourself on monday and do the calendar And then on tuesday, you can wash clothes and then on thursday you can do a meal prep And then on Saturday, again, you can do meal prep.

And then another day you can prioritize something else. It gives a lot of diversity, making sure you're incorporating a lot of your strengths within those days. Um, but when you know how to prioritize at the moment, that's where you really gain a good balance. There is [00:39:00] no cookie cutter that you can put now in a circle and be like, you know, if I do 50, 50 of this, or if I do a hundred percent of this, now this is where you burn out.

And the first thing you do is lose yourself, really cut tie with yourself because yourself can't do it anymore. And they're like, okay, if you think so, goodbye. And your inner self is like, just sitting back and eating popcorn. And you're just like trying on the outside so much.

Tara: Yeah, I, um, I really like that. And I, I like that you provided almost like a tangible checklist that you can really apply To everything, like to your to do list at work at home, and I like the difference between like urgency and emergency. Cause you know, you hear a lot about like what needs to get done today, but like, then there's things that they're just going to pop up that you may not have planned for either.

So you kind of have to be able to adjust as you go and kind of ebb and flow with that. So I really, I really like that and appreciate that. And I hope that the listeners are really walking away today with. Just some fresh insights and hopefully some [00:40:00] inspiration too, to do a little bit of that self exploration, that digging and to know that it's. It's not selfish. It's really a way for you to serve others in the capacity that you want to be able to serve them. So, Ina, I just want to thank you so much for sharing your time with us, for sharing some really good and incredible tips with us. And before we go, though, I want to make sure that you have the opportunity to just share with listeners how they can find you, how they can connect with you. A little bit more about your work. So that way, if something spoke to them, that they know where to find you. So can you share that with us?

Ina Qema : Yes. And I really appreciate and very grateful for the space that you have, as I love talking about like the balance, the burnout, because the rest are the two common things that maybe we're experiencing right now and we need this space. Um, if anyone can relate or needs, has a question, reach out for anything, even just like to [00:41:00] say hi, you know, um, in my Instagram, I'm mostly on the Instagram at I N A, um, underscore Q E M A, uh, and there they can find tips on daily life, on how to overcome burnout, build themselves, realign with their values, um, really, like, know how to manage their emotions, um, And I think my Instagram is the best source.

Any updates, uh, any group coaching programs that I bring out, mostly about like the burnout to balance, um, is like eight to 10 weeks. I announced it there, where it starts when it ends, or the self-paced course, which includes all of the modules that we spoke about from like the self, the wheel of life to like the stepping in the success and embodying them, uh, can find it in the page of the Instagram.

Tara: Awesome. And I'll be sure to make sure to link to your Instagram page in the show notes. So that way folks can easily access and all that and see what you're up to. So [00:42:00] that's really great. Um, once again, just thank you, Ina, for spending time and your transparency and just the great conversation. I really enjoyed it.

And hopefully.

Ina Qema : Transcription by CastingWords

Tara: mean the world to me. If you share it with someone who could use these tips, who needs to hear a message or a nugget that was shared today. And also don't forget to subscribe. So you don't miss any future episodes, because as you know, I like to keep it real here on the balance badass podcast and friend, just remember to stay balanced, stay badass and make good choices. I'll see y'all in the next episode.