The Real Reason You Keep Almost Quitting But Never Do

There's a reason you keep almost quitting but never do, and it has nothing to do with motivation. 

In this episode, I apply Kurt Lewin's three-stage Change Model to career change during burnout. You'll learn why unfreezing is harder than the actual move, what job search paralysis really is, and the stage most people skip that sends them straight back into the same burnout with a different logo on the door. 

Resources mentioned:

• Career Reboot Strategy Session (https://stan.store/tarakermiet/p/career-reboot)
• Career Pivot Playbook (https://stan.store/tarakermiet/p/career-pivot-playbook)

Transcript

[00:00:00] Today, I'm walking you through a model that was originally built for organizations. But when you apply it to how individuals actually move through career change, it explains almost everything. Why you stay stuck, why the middle feels so disorienting, and why some people make a big move and end up right back where they started. So you've been thinking about a change for months, maybe even longer than that. You've updated your resume at midnight, you've scrolled job boards in bed while you're doom scrolling, and you've probably even rehearsed your resignation speech in the shower while you're getting ready for work. And then Monday morning comes, and you do the exact same thing you did last week.

Same commute, same meetings, same knot in your stomach. That loop that you're stuck in, there's a reason for it, and it has nothing to do with motivation or your willpower. Now, the model is called Lewin's Change Model. Kurt Lewin was a social psychologist who studied how change actually happens, not how we wish it happened and not the motivational poster version, but [00:01:00] how it actually works in practice, and he broke it into three stages: unfreeze, change, and refreeze.

I'm gonna walk you through all three stages today and show you exactly where most burned-out professionals get stuck. And I'm gonna tell you right now, it's probably not the stage that you think it is. 

Now, as I said, Lewin built this for organizations. He was looking at how companies shift their cultures, processes, and their structures. But here's what I've found in my coaching work. This model maps almost perfectly onto what happens when an individual tries to make a career change while also dealing with burnout.

The stages are essentially the same. The resistance is very similar, and the mistakes are also the same. So let's get into it. The first stage is unfreeze. In organizational terms, this is where you create the awareness that the current state isn't working. So you shake things loose, you get people to see that something has to give.

Now for you, as someone sitting in a career that's burning you out, unfreezing is the hardest part, and I mean that genuinely. Most people think the hard [00:02:00] part is making the move, getting the new job, having that scary conversation with your boss, walking away from the paycheck, and that stuff certainly is hard and scary.

But unfreezing, where you're actually getting yourself to the point where you can see clearly enough to act, that's where most people stay stuck for years. And here's why. when you've been in a role for a long time, especially if you're a high performer, your identity kinda gets fused with that work.

So your sense of who you are is tangled up in your title, your team, your expertise, and most certainly your reputation. Unfreezing means you're having to loosen that grip, and that feels very threatening. You're not just questioning a job, but now you're questioning a version of yourself. And I'll come back to the identity piece in stage two because that's where it really shows up.

But the reason it matters here is that identity fusion is one of the biggest forces keeping you frozen. This is where I bring in something I use with every single client. I call it the five Cs driving burnout. It's a diagnostic framework that helps you figure out what's actually [00:03:00] causing your burnout so you stop guessing and start working with real tangible data.

The five Cs are conditions, culture, convictions, choices, and capacity. Conditions are the structural factors of your job. So think things like your workload, your resources, your level of autonomy, and the clarity of your role. Culture is the organizational environment, so the norms, the dynamics, the way people treat each other, and how the system responds when things go wrong.

Then there's convictions, which are your beliefs about work and your identity ties and what you think success is supposed to look like. Choices are the decisions available to you and whether you feel like you actually have agency. And finally, capacity is what you're working with right now, physically, cognitively, and emotionally.

In the unfreeze stage, the five Cs become your diagnostic. Instead of sitting in a vague fog of I hate my job, you start mapping what's actually broken. Is it the conditions of the role itself? Is it the culture that you're operating in? Or is [00:04:00] it something deeper, like a conviction that you're supposed to push through no matter what?

I had a client recently who told her boss she was overwhelmed, and her boss responded with a pep talk, told her she was doing great, that the team needed her, and that things would settle down after the quarter ended. It sounded supportive on the surface, but nothing changed.

No workload adjustment, no structural fix, just kind of Surface level encouragement. That's a culture problem in the five Cs. The organization's response to a distress signal was emotional reassurance, not operational change, and when that's the pattern, no amount of positive feedback actually addresses what's breaking you down.

Are you recognizing that distinction? That's unfreezing. That's seeing the system clearly instead of just absorbing Lewin also talked about something called force field analysis. It's a fancy term, but a fairly simple concept. There are forces pushing you toward change and forces pushing you away from it.

Unfreezing happens when the forces for change start to outweigh the forces against it. So for most burned-out professionals, the [00:05:00] forces against change are massive. Financial obligations, health insurance, the sunk cost of years that you've already invested, this fear of starting over, the voice in your head that says you should be grateful for what you have.

These are very real, and I'm not gonna pretend that they're not, but the forces for change are also real. Your body is telling you something. Your Sunday nights feel like actual grief. You can't remember the last time you were proud of something that you did at work. Those aren't small signals. That's all data.

One of my clients said something that stuck with me a few weeks ago. She said that it's easy to move to a new job, stay on the career path, tell yourself it was just the place, it had nothing to do with you, nothing to do with the dynamics you set or allowed to be set, and then in four or five years, you're in the same place again.

She didn't want that. She named the trap before I even brought it up. And what she was really saying is, "I don't want to unfreeze halfway. I don't want to just change my scenery. I want to actually understand what's [00:06:00] driving this." That's the whole point of stage one. You cannot skip it. If you jump straight to job searching without understanding what's actually broken, you're going to repeat the pattern.

Different office, same burnout. Unfreezing means doing the honest diagnostic first, and the five Cs give you the language for that, and I'm gonna explain why language has to come before strategy here in a minute. Now, stage two is the transition. So here's the part where most people get wrong. Stage two is not just a single event where it's like one and done.

Lewin was very specific about this. He didn't call it the change. He called it the transition because it's a process. It's messy, and it's nonlinear, and it takes longer than you probably want it to. This is where the identity work I mentioned earlier becomes front and center.

You're not just changing a job. You are renegotiating who you are. I worked with someone who had been in marketing for fifteen years. She didn't actually choose marketing. She kind of just fell into it through a startup in her [00:07:00] twenties. She was good at it, and then people-pleasing also kinda kept her there.

She rose through the ranks on the back of being reliable and competent, not because the work actually lit her up. Now, fifteen years later, she's leading a team in a field that has nothing to do with who she actually is and what she actually wants to do.

Her burnout wasn't about workload. It was more existential. The work didn't connect to anything real inside her. That's a convictions problem in the five Cs. So her belief that being good at something meant she should keep doing it. Her need for external approval kept her on a path that she never actively chose.

Unfreezing helped her see that, but stage two is where she had to sit in the discomfort of not knowing what comes next. And this is where burnout makes everything harder because burnout depletes the exact resources that you need to make a change.

Your cognitive bandwidth is shot, your confidence is eroded, and you're running on fumes, but now someone's telling you to figure out your next career move. That feels like the biggest ask in the world when you have [00:08:00] nothing left to give. I see this so often. I call it the job search paralysis, right? So it's not laziness.

It's not a lack of ambition. It's what happens when your nervous system has been running on empty for so long that adding one more demand, even if it's a positive one, feels impossible. Your brain is in protection mode, and exploring the unknown requires energy that you just don't have right now. 

That's a capacity problem in the five Cs, and it's why the order you do things matters. My approach follows a very specific sequence: language, then relief, then strategy.

You have to name what's happening first. That's the language piece. It's what stage one does with the five Cs. But then you need some stability back, some breathing room, some baseline capacity. That's relief. Only then can you move into strategy, which is the actual planning and action of stage two. Most career advice skips straight to strategy.

Update your resume, network Take an assessment. Figure out your passion. That's all stage two work, and it's fine work if you're [00:09:00] ready for it. But if you haven't done stage one and you haven't stabilized your capacity first, strategy just becomes another thing on the to-do list that you're too burned out to touch.

Now once you're actually in the transition, here's something that helps. Most people think career change means blowing everything up. Quitting, starting over, reinventing yourself from scratch. And that is one version, but it's not the only one, and honestly, it's rarely the right first move. I use a framework I call the four distances of a career pivot, and I want you to think of it like a spectrum.

So on one end, you're on the same sidewalk. That's making changes within your current role. Job crafting, adjusting your tasks, your relationships, your boundaries, things like that. Next is crossing the street. Same industry, similar work, but a different organization or a different scope. Then there's moving to a completely different neighborhood.

Different industry, but you're leveraging transferable skills. And at the far end, you're moving to a different country entirely. New field, new [00:10:00] identity, starting from the ground up. Most burned-out professionals don't actually need to move to a different country. They need to cross the street. Sometimes they just need to rearrange their own sidewalk.

But burnout distorts your thinking. It makes everything feel binary. Stay or go. Keep pushing or blow it all up. The four distances give you a more honest menu of options. The transition stage is uncomfortable. Lewin knew that. He said people in this stage are moving toward a new way of being, but they haven't arrived yet.

They're basically between two identities. The old one doesn't fit anymore, and the new one isn't solid yet. That in-between space is where most people panic and either retreat back to what's familiar or rush into something to make the discomfort stop. 

Neither of those serve you. The goal in stage two is to stay in the process long enough for clarity to form, and you do that by keeping the five C's diagnostic running. Keep asking, is this a conditions problem I can solve or a culture problem I need to leave? Is my capacity [00:11:00] stabilizing or am I still running on empty?

Are my convictions about success actually mine or did I inherit them from someone or something else? Okay, stage three is refreeze. This is the one everyone skips. In organizational change, refreezing is where the new way of operating becomes the norm. It gets reinforced People stop drifting back to old patterns.

Basically, the change sticks. In your career, refreezing is where you build the structures, boundaries, and habits that make your new situation sustainable. It's where the change stops feeling like something you're holding together by force and starts feeling like something that you're actually living in.

Now, remember my client who said she didn't want to end up in the same place in four or five years? This stage is why she won't. She's not just changing her job. She's changing the patterns that got her there. Refreezing looks different for everyone, but there are common pieces. Setting boundaries that protect your capacity and actually enforcing them.

Building relationships with people who know you outside of your job title. Doing regular check-ins with [00:12:00] yourself. Not a vague journal entry, but a structured look at whether your conditions, culture, and choices are still aligned with what you need. It also means accepting that the new version of your career might look less impressive on paper.

You might have a smaller title. You might make less for a while. You might not have a quick answer when someone at a dinner party asks you what you do. That's part of the refreeze. Letting go of the old metrics of success and building new ones that actually mean something to you in this season of life.

One of the biggest mistakes I see is people who make a great move. They do the diagnostic work, they make a thoughtful transition, and then they skip the refreeze entirely. They land in a new role and immediately start performing at the same breakneck pace. Same overwork, same people-pleasing, same inability to say no.

They changed the scenery, but they kept the operating system. That's not a refreeze. Essentially, that's a costume change. Refreezing means the internal shifts from stage one and stage two get baked into how you actually [00:13:00] operate going forward.

It means your five C's aren't just a diagnostic you ran once during a crisis. They become an ongoing awareness tool. You stay curious about your conditions. You pay attention to the cultural signals early instead of after they've already worn you down. You check your convictions regularly instead of running on autopilot until you crash again.

Lewin's critics say his model is too simple for today's world. And for organizations managing constant disruption, maybe that's fair. But for individuals making career changes after burnout, I think the simplicity is actually the strength. Three stages. Unfreeze what's keeping you stuck. Move through the transition honestly.

And refreeze in a way that doesn't repeat the pattern.

So where does this leave you? If you're listening to this and you're still frozen, that is okay. Most people are. The fact that you can name it means the unfreezing has already started. You're starting the thawing process. Run your five Cs. Figure out what's actually driving your burnout. And please stop blaming yourself for what's systemic and stop ignoring what is [00:14:00] within your control.

If you're in that messy middle of a transition, stay in it. Don't rush it. Don't retreat from it. Keep the diagnostic running and trust that clarity comes from the process, not before it. And if you've already made a move, check your refreeze. Make sure you're building something different, not just somewhere different.

now if you want help mapping your five Cs and figuring out what stage you're actually in, that's exactly what we do in a Career Reboot Strategy Session. It's a two-hour one-on-one intensive where we diagnose what's driving your burnout and build a concrete plan for what comes next based on that information.

I'll link it in the show notes if you're interested. Now, if you're earlier in the process and you wanna start working through this on your own, you can grab the Career Pivot Playbook. It walks you through the diagnostic, the decision framework, and the planning all in one place.

It's more of a, like, do it yourself guide process. Anyways, that's what I have for you this episode.

It's a new season and I've got a lot in store for you, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode. So feel free to DM me on Instagram and [00:15:00] let me know, and I'll catch you in the next one. Take care and make good choices