How to Reframe Your Mindset and Build Real Confidence

In this episode, Tara talks about building confidence by doing things that scare you. She shares her experience of managing her first professional staff member and explains that confidence comes from taking action, not from feeling ready. Tara highlights the importance of changing negative thoughts, focusing on your strengths, and celebrating small wins. She advises asking for feedback and surrounding yourself with supportive people. The key is to turn fear into a catalyst for growth and to keep moving forward, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic.

00:00 Introduction: Facing Your Fears

00:28 Understanding Real Confidence

01:05 My First Big Challenge

02:20 Overcoming Self-Doubt

03:56 The Power of Reframing

05:49 Practical Steps to Build Confidence

07:14 Seeking Feedback and Growth

12:50 The Importance of Support Systems

15:08 Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: Facing Your Fears
• 1:14 Understanding Real Confidence
• 1:51 My First Big Challenge
• 3:06 Overcoming Self-Doubt
• 4:42 The Power of Reframing
• 6:35 Practical Steps to Build Confidence
• 8:00 Seeking Feedback and Growth
• 13:36 The Importance of Support Systems
• 15:54 Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to the balance badass podcast, the show for multitaskers determined to stay balanced and badass without losing their minds. Every week we help you manage your overflowing calendar and household. Making sure you still have time to breathe, laugh, and savor that much needed glass of wine at the end of the day.

Think of this podcast as your weekly dose of practical advice, humor, and tough love. Just like catching up with a friend who really gets it. I'm Tara Kermit, your personal growth coach, helping you handle how was your day without a meltdown. Now let's get into today's episode.

Let me ask you something, when was the last time you did something that scared the hell out of you? And I'm not talking about watching a horror movie or for me, trying to parallel park on a busy city street. I mean, [00:01:00] stepping out and doing something where you felt completely out of your depth, where every fiber of your being was saying, nope, you're going to fail.

So don't even try. I've been there tons of times, but let me tell you those moments when I felt the least qualified. have ended up teaching me the most about real confidence. Because the real problem isn't that you don't have it all figured out, it's that you think you should. You see, confidence is a skill, not some magical trait you're born with.

You don't just find it, like some lost sock in the dryer. You build it, bit by bit, moment by moment, mistake by mistake. And let me tell you, sometimes it feels like building a house with toothpicks in the middle of a hurricane. I remember the first time I really had to dig deep into finding my confidence.

I had just started managing my first full time professional staff [00:02:00] member. This feels like it was forever ago at this point. Up until then, I'd been in charge of student staff, so think like enthusiastic, but often unreliable college students still figuring out how to adult. People who'd forget to show up for a shift because they had a midterm or, more likely, because they were hungover from Thirsty Thursday.

Then suddenly, I'm handed the keys to manage a professional staff member who actually knew their stuff. Someone with a job description, of responsibilities and expectations. Transcribed Someone who was relying on me to give them vision and direction for our department. I felt like I'd been thrown into the deep end with no floaties.

Now I could sit here and tell you that I was excited for the challenge. That I was ready to step up and prove myself. But the truth? I was scared shitless. My inner dialogue went something like this. What if she sees right through [00:03:00] me? What if she realizes I have no idea what I'm doing? I realized pretty quickly that if I kept listening to that voice in my head, I'd never be able to lead effectively.

And if you listened to last week's episode on overthinking, you know exactly what I mean. That little gremlin in our mind loves to latch on and whisper all the worst case scenarios, doesn't it? So I did what many of us do in that situation. I tried to overcompensate. I read every management book I could get my hands on.

I attended webinars. I took notes like my life depended on it. I over prepared for every single meeting like I was about to defend a thesis. I wanted so desperately to feel ready, to feel like I had all the answers. And still, every night I'd go home thinking I wasn't good enough and that I didn't belong.

[00:04:00] None of that made me feel more confident. In fact, the harder I tried to fake it, the worse I felt. And there it was. My first big mistake. I thought confidence was about feeling ready and feeling sure. It's not. Uh, confidence is about knowing you'll figure it out as you go, trusting that you've got what it takes, even when you feel like you don't.

If you're waiting to feel confident before you make a move, you're putting the cart before the horse. Confidence is what comes after you take action, not before. And that's why reframing your mindset matters. Let me break this down for you because this is where the magic happens. Reframing isn't about pretending everything's okay when it's not.

It's not about forcing yourself to slap a smile on your face and pretend you're not terrified. It's about shifting your [00:05:00] perspective so you can see things in a way that serves you, rather than paralyzing you. According to cognitive psychology, reframing your mindset can literally change the way your brain processes stress.

A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who practiced reframing their thoughts felt more in control of their lives and experienced lower levels of anxiety. By changing the way we interpret situations, We can actually change our emotional response to them. So yeah, this isn't just about thinking happy thoughts.

It's about retraining your brain to see challenges in a way that doesn't paralyze you with fear. Let's say you're about to give a big presentation and all you can think is, I'm going to mess this up. Everyone's going to see that I don't know what I'm doing. Now imagine if instead you thought, this is my chance to show what I know.

I'm prepared and I'm going to make an [00:06:00] impact. Same situation. But a completely different mindset. When those doubts come creeping in, you have a choice. You can let them control you, or you can reframe them and take back the power. So here's what I did. I stopped obsessing over what I didn't know and focused on what I did now.

I knew how to communicate clearly. I knew how to set expectations. And most importantly, I knew how to listen. So instead of getting caught up in what I wasn't, I doubled down on what I was. So let's make this practical for you. If you're feeling like a fraud or you're questioning whether you deserve that seat at the table, which you do by the way, start by flipping the script.

Instead of asking, what if I fail? Ask, what if I nail it? It seems small, but it's everything. It shifts your energy from [00:07:00] dread to excitement, from fear to possibility. So right now, I want you to think about a situation where you're doubting yourself. Maybe it's a new role, a new project, or it could be a tough conversation you're avoiding.

Now ask yourself, what do I already know that I can bring to this situation? What skills do I have? What experiences do I bring? What strengths are going to help me? Write them down. Seriously, do it. Because when that doubt creeps in, you'll have something solid to hold on to. So many of us struggle with confidence because we're focusing on the wrong things.

We get hung up on what we think we lack, instead of leaning into what we already bring to the table. But when we shift our focus from what we don't have to what we do, we change the whole game. Now, let me get back to my story. After a few weeks of feeling like I was floundering, I [00:08:00] realized something had to give.

So I did something I wasn't exactly thrilled about. I asked for feedback. I sat down with my new team member and said, Hey, I know I'm new to this. I'd love to hear what's working for you and what's not. Was it comfortable? Hell no. I honestly was half expecting her to list out all my flaws in excruciating detail.

So. Yeah. But you know what? That didn't actually happen. What did happen was a real conversation about how I could be a better leader and how we could work better together. So here's your next step. Don't wait until you feel like you've got it all figured out to ask for feedback. That's not going to do you any good.

Ask for it now while you're still figuring it out. Reach out to three people today. People you trust who know your work and will be honest with you. Ask them, what's one thing that you could do better? Don't ask for validation, ask for the [00:09:00] truth. And then you gotta be ready to hear it and act on it. Don't defend, don't explain, just listen.

You'll learn so much more than you think. Now here comes the tough love. Building confidence isn't comfortable. It's awkward. It's messy. It's that moment when you're standing in front of a group of people, heart pounding, hands shaking, and you speak up anyway. Confidence is not the absence of fear, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

You're never going to be fully ready, but that doesn't mean that you're not prepared. Preparedness and readiness are two different things. Prepared means you've done the groundwork, the research, the practice. Ready? Well that's a state of mind. It's deciding to take the leap, even when you're [00:10:00] scared. And you know what's wild?

The more you do it, the easier it gets. Psychologists call this exposure therapy. The idea that the more you expose yourself to the thing that scares you, the less scary it becomes. Remember that thing you've been putting off because you don't feel ready? Yeah. It's time to tackle it. Start small, but start now.

So I challenge you to do something uncomfortable this week. Maybe it will be speaking up in a meeting. Learn Or setting a boundary with a friend. Or asking for feedback from someone who intimidates the hell out of you. Lean into that discomfort because that's where the growth happens. It's like going to the gym and lifting weights.

If you're only lifting what's comfortable, you're never going to get stronger. You've got to push yourself beyond what feels easy. That's when real transformation [00:11:00] starts. Confidence comes from doing, not from waiting until you feel ready. There's never going to be a perfect time to do the thing. You're never going to wake up one day magically filled with confidence.

That's just not how it works. You build it by doing the hard thing, the scary thing, over and over until it starts to feel less scary. Think about it like this. The first time you rode a bike, you were probably terrified. You wobbled. You probably fell. But you likely got back on. You kept pedaling and kept trying.

And before you knew it, you were riding without even thinking about it. It became second nature. That's how confidence is built. By taking one wobbly step at a time. Trusting that each step will make the next one a little easier. And while you're doing that, celebrate every [00:12:00] damn win. Don't wait for the big stuff.

Give yourself credit for the little moments. The times you pushed through your fear. The moments you spoke up when you wanted to stay silent. The days you kept going when you wanted to quit. Every single one of those is a victory. I started keeping a little journal. Nothing fancy, just a place where I could jot down the things that went well.

What I call my hot successes. I don't care if it's something like responding to a tough email or something bigger, like starting to work with a new client. I write it all down. Why? Because our brains are wired to focus on the negative. To remember the mistakes, the embarrassments, the times we fell short.

It's like we've got a negativity bias built in. But when we make a conscious effort to celebrate our wins, we're actually rewiring our brains. According to research in positive psychology, Celebrating small victories triggers the release of [00:13:00] dopamine, that feel good neurotransmitter that makes you feel more motivated and engaged.

So tonight, before you crash, take two minutes to jot down three things you did today that moved you forward. Get into the habit of recognizing your progress, because confidence builds with evidence. The more you can look back and say, Hey, I did that. The more your brain starts to believe that yes, you are capable.

And this isn't about becoming cocky or arrogant, it's about building an internal bank of proof that you can draw from whenever doubt starts to creep in. And finally, let's not forget the people you surround yourself with. Are they lifting you up or dragging you down? Are they encouraging you to take risks, to grow, to push your boundaries?

Or are they feeding your doubts, reinforcing your fears? You wouldn't plant a garden in toxic soil and expect it to [00:14:00] flourish, right? The same goes for your confidence. If your environment is filled with negativity, criticism, and doubt, it's going to be tough to grow. So take a good hard look at your circle.

And if you need to make some changes, find those people who believe in you, who will push you to be your best, even when you're not feeling it yourself. When I was figuring out this whole management thing, I found a few people who had been where I was and weren't afraid to share their stories, their mistakes, their wins.

They were my sounding board, my reality check, and my inspiration. I leaned on them, learned from them, and more importantly, grew with them. That support made all the difference. So go find your people. The ones who will listen, who will give you a reality check when you need it, but who will also cheer you on.

We're not meant to go it alone. And we're going to talk more in [00:15:00] depth about the five people you need in your support squad in a later episode. But for now, I just want you to think of two people you can reach out to this week. Maybe it's a mentor, a colleague, or a friend who just gets it. Schedule a call or a coffee and be honest about where you're at and what you're feeling.

for listening. And don't just stop there, actively seek out people who are already where you want to be, watch them, learn from them, and if you can, ask them how they got there, because confidence is contagious, and sometimes you need to borrow some until you've built enough of your own. Borrow that energy, that vibe, that belief in yourself, even if it feels like you're faking it at first.

Every time you borrow a little confidence, you're putting another brick in your foundation, building something solid that will stand the test of time. Alright friend, we've covered a lot today. Remember that [00:16:00] confidence isn't about eliminating fear, it's about dancing with it. It's about saying, yeah, I'm scared, and yeah, I don't have it all figured out, but I'm gonna try anyway.

And the beautiful thing about dancing with fear? The more you do it, the better you get at leading. Pretty soon, you're not just swaying to the music. You're the one calling the shots. Because at the end of the day, that's what being a balanced badass is all about. It's not about having it all together all the time.

It's about showing up even when you don't. It's about giving yourself permission to be a beginner. To stumble. To not have all the answers and to keep moving forward anyway. So if today's episode sparked something in you, if it made you think maybe I've been holding myself back, then do something with that.

Don't just let it sit. Take a step, share this episode, send it to a friend, and keep the conversation going. Because the more we talk about this [00:17:00] stuff, the more we normalize it, and the more we realize that we're all just trying to figure it out, one step at a time. And the more we realize that, The easier it gets to show up, to take action, and to build that badass confidence, brick by brick.

Take care, friend. 

Thanks for hanging out with me on the Balance Badass podcast. I hope today's episode brought you a little more balance and a lot more badass in your day. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. Your support helps more multitaskers like you find the show, and I'd really appreciate it.

Until next time, take care of yourself and make good choices, friend. I'll catch you next week.