Stress Less Every Day: Simple Tricks for Quick Relief

In this episode, Tara shares practical stress management strategies tailored for high-achieving professionals. She recounts her own experiences at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, illustrating the chaos and stress that ensued. Tara introduces actionable techniques such as deep breathing, creating a low-priority 'f*** it list,' power poses for confidence, and the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method to stay present. Her insights aim to assist driven professionals to manage stress effectively, enhancing both mental health and productivity while maintaining their ambitious drive in a balanced manner.

Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic.

00:00 Introduction to Stress Management

01:30 Personal Story: Navigating Stress During COVID

06:46 Understanding the Science of Stress

09:27 Practical Stress Management Techniques

13:49 The Power of Letting Go: The 'F*** It' List

18:49 Boosting Confidence with Power Poses

22:34 The Importance of Movement

26:24 Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

30:44 Conclusion: Embracing Stress as a Part of Life

Need a little more balance and a lot more badass in your life? Check out my 1:1 coaching sessions designed to help you tackle your biggest challenges, manage stress, and create a personalized plan for success. Your first 30-minute session is free! Visit tarakermiet.com to get started. 

Want to turn your dreams into reality? Check out my 7 Days to Crushing Your Goals mini-course! This course is packed with practical lessons and hands-on activities designed to help you define your “why,” leverage your strengths, and take decisive action. By the end, you'll have a clear plan and the tools you need to crush your goals. Visit tarakermiet.com/crushyourgoals to join the course and start making things happen! 

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Stress Management
• 2:16 Personal Story: Navigating Stress During COVID
• 7:32 Understanding the Science of Stress
• 10:57 Practical Stress Management Techniques
• 15:19 The Power of Letting Go: The 'F*** It' List
• 20:19 Boosting Confidence with Power Poses
• 25:27 The Importance of Movement
• 29:17 Grounding Techniques for Anxiety
• 33:37 Conclusion: Embracing Stress as a Part of Life

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome back, friend, or if you're new here, welcome to your new balanced, badass life. I'm your host, Tara, and today we're getting real about something that's always creeping into our lives at the worst times. Yep. That's right. I'm talking about stress. Like, seriously, does it ever hit at a convenient moment?

Hell no, of course not. Whether we're scrambling to meet deadlines, the kids are bouncing off the walls, or you're just trying to sneak in five minutes of peace, stress has a way of showing up uninvited, like that annoying person who doesn't realize the party ended three hours ago. But we're not just gonna sit around and whine about stress today.

Nope, I'm going to walk you through some super simple tricks that'll help you manage it. Because let's face it, you're already busy enough running your life without adding a side of chronic stress to [00:01:00] the mix. And I'm sure you're probably sitting there thinking about how your life is a perpetual hot mess and stress is just part of the deal.

I get it. I've been there. Hell, I practically lived there for years. But by the end of this episode, you're going to have a handful of strategies you can start immediately, like right after you hit pause or take your earbuds out, to feel a little less frazzled and a little more like you. You know what? Let me take you back to a time when I felt like I was on the verge of losing it.

It was the start of COVID and I was working at a university here in North Carolina. To say that things were chaotic would be a massive understatement. I mean one minute we were in the middle of spring break and the next the world was shutting down. There was no roadmap, no set of instructions on how to deal with a global pandemic, and certainly no guide for how to keep a [00:02:00] university functioning when everything was suddenly thrown into disarray.

Nobody knew what was going on. Least of all me. My staff and students were looking to me for answers that I did not have. I'd get bombarded with questions like, when are we coming back? Is campus going to close? What about our jobs? Our scholarships, our housing. I was being asked to be the rock in a rapidly shifting situation.

And all I could do was shrug and say, I don't know. I think I said, I don't know more times during that little moment than I have in my entire life. And it was beyond frustrating because I'm a fixer and I felt totally powerless. And let me tell you. There's nothing more frustrating for a fixer than not being able to fix a damn thing.

I'm a planner. An organizer. I thrive on having [00:03:00] a game plan. But in those early days of the pandemic, there were no plans to be made, only reactions to ever changing circumstances. Hell, I'd be in the middle of writing an email to reassure everyone, And by the time I was about to hit send, the information had changed, again.

It was maddening. And on top of that, I volunteered to help in the call center we set up to handle the flood of questions coming in from parents, students, and staff. So there I was, trying to explain to anxious parents why their kids were being sent home. To students, why their internships were suddenly in limbo, and to my team, why we were being told to pivot every 15 minutes.

I actually felt like a human ping pong ball, bouncing between confusion, frustration, and if I'm honest, a little bit of fear. Every new day seemed to bring a fresh wave of uncertainty. I remember [00:04:00] actually standing in my kitchen, scrolling through the news, seeing numbers go up and up. Cases, deaths, infections.

While trying to keep a steady face for my team, I was on the brink of tears, thinking, is this really happening? Are we going to be okay? How the hell do I reassure my staff and students when I can barely reassure myself? I was trying to keep it together, but there were moments when I'd find myself clutching my one sad pack of toilet paper in the grocery store like it was the holy grail, and wondering how on earth I was going to explain this to anyone when I didn't even understand what was happening myself.

And don't even get me started on the wine situation, okay? At one point, I was legit Googling if wine was considered an essential item because I was about two bottles away from a full blown meltdown. And the idea of being stuck at home without a glass [00:05:00] of wine to unwind was almost more than I could bear.

It felt like a bad joke that just wouldn't end. I was supposed to be the calm, collected leader, but inside I was just as scared and confused as everyone else. It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. Everything around me was spinning out of control, and I was trying to project calm while feeling anything but that.

The whole situation felt surreal, like we were living in some dystopian novel where each chapter got more bizarre and unsettling. One day, I was attending meetings and planning events for the semester, And the next, I was trying to figure out how to pivot our entire event calendar to virtual events overnight, while also learning new terms like social distancing and flatten the curve that I'd never even heard a week before.

I'd get home after those long days at the call center and feel completely drained. [00:06:00] I'd stand in the shower for what felt like hours, just letting the water wash over me, trying to decompress and process everything that had happened, knowing I'd have to wake up and do it all over again the next day.

There was just like a constant low level hum of anxiety in my chest that wouldn't go away. It felt like I was bracing myself for impact every second of every day. And that's when I knew I had to find a way to get a grip on my stress before it swallowed me whole.

And let me tell you, it almost did. That's the thing about stress. It doesn't just knock politely on your door. It fucking busts in like it owns the place and makes itself comfortable. So let's talk about what's really going on in your body when it's stressed out. You know that feeling when your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, and your brain is spiraling into a worst case scenario tornado. That's your [00:07:00] fight or flight response kicking in. It's your brain's way of saying danger ahead. It's a great system when you're facing a saber tooth tiger. But not so helpful when your biggest threat is an overflowing inbox.

When you're in that state, your body releases cortisol, the stress hormone. In small doses, cortisol is actually good. It keeps you alert and focused. But when you're constantly stressed, those cortisol levels shoot through the roof and that's when the trouble starts. Chronic stress can increase the risk of various health problems, including cardiovascular disease, anxiety, and depression.

And it doesn't stop there. High cortisol levels can also mess with your sleep, your weight, especially around the belly area, and even your ability to think straight. It's like your brain is stuck in panic mode and the exit door is nowhere in sight. [00:08:00] Back in those early pandemic days, I realized that if I didn't get a handle on my stress, my body was going to go haywire and I wouldn't be able to keep showing up for my students, my team or myself.

So I had to figure out some ways to manage the madness, not just for my sanity, but quite literally for my health. I couldn't afford to lose it because I had people depending on me. But more than that, I couldn't keep running on empty without burning out completely. I realized I needed to take care of myself, not just so I could be there for others, but because I deserved it too.

I had to find ways to manage my stress, ways that actually worked in the middle of what felt like the apocalypse. Now, I'm not saying I found some magic cure that made stress disappear entirely, Hell, if only that were the case, I mean, there was no stress be gone button to hit. Although if someone invents that, let me know because I will for [00:09:00] sure be an investor of that because that's going to make a ton of money.

But I did find some practical ways to keep it in check. Stuff that helped me get through one of the most uncertain times in my life. Well, for all of our lives, for that matter, without completely losing it. And that's what I'm going to share with you today, because if these strategies worked for me in the middle of that madness, I'm confident they can help you too.

So let's start with something you can do right now, wherever you are. Well, unless you're driving, in which case maybe wait until you've parked, but I want you to take a moment to just check in with yourself. Close your eyes if you can and feel comfortable doing so, and take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold it for four, and then slowly exhale through your mouth for four.

Feels good, doesn't it? You might have noticed your shoulders dropping a bit or your mind [00:10:00] feeling just a tad clearer. There's a reason for that. When we get stressed, our bodies switch into autopilot mode. And we tend to take these shallow, rapid breaths. Almost like we're bracing ourselves for a punch.

That just keeps us in panic mode because we're not giving our bodies enough oxygen to calm down. When you slow down and take deep breaths, you're basically telling your body, Hey, we're not in danger here. We can chill out a bit. Breathing is the most basic thing we do, but the reality is that most of us are doing it wrong.

We're all running around breathing just enough to stay alive, but not enough to actually calm our nervous systems. We're taking these shallow, rapid breaths that barely fill our lungs, and that's not doing us any favors. The best thing you can do is slow down and breathe deeply. So here's how to do it [00:11:00] correctly.

Inhale slowly through your nose. Let your belly expand, not your chest. Hold it for a few seconds. And then exhale through your mouth like you're blowing out a candle. That deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your body's rest and digest response. It's your body's built in de stress button.

It helps lower cortisol levels and reduce stress. In fact, controlled breathing can lower blood pressure, reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and even improve concentration and cognitive function. It can also help counteract the effects of chronic stress, which has been linked to a host of health issues from heart disease to digestive problems.

Think about it this way. When you're in a high stress situation, your body is constantly [00:12:00] preparing for a fight. Your heart races, your muscles tense up, and your mind becomes hyper focused on potential threats. It's like having your foot glued to the gas pedal with no way to brake. Deep breathing is that brake.

And the best part is you can do this literally anywhere. At your desk, in your car, even in line at the grocery store when that one person is taking forever to check out because they're paying with exact change. I did this a lot during the early days of the pandemic, usually between Zoom meetings or when my email inbox hit triple digits.

And I'm not saying it fixed everything, but it gave me enough of a pause to keep from spiraling into complete overwhelm. That one minute of deep breathing can be a difference between keeping your cool and snapping at the next person who asks you what's for dinner. Speaking from experience. And let's not forget [00:13:00] how this helps in those everyday stress triggers we all face.

Like when you're running late and you hit every single red light on your way to work. Or when your kids decide that now is the perfect time to turn the living room into a WWE wrestling ring. Or even when you're in line at Starbucks and the person in front of you is ordering a complicated drink that involves 17 modifications and a unicorn horn.

You know, those little things that shouldn't be a big deal, but can totally derail your day. In those moments, taking a few deep breaths can really help. Instead of letting frustration build and build until you feel like you're about to explode, You can take a minute to breathe, reset, and approach the situation with a clearer, calmer mind.

And that brings me to one of my personal favorite tools for de stressing, the fuck it list. Look, we all have a million things we have to do. Our brains [00:14:00] are constantly running through a to do list that never seems to end. But we all know that half of those things don't actually matter in the grand scheme of things.

They're just cluttering up your mind and adding to your stress. I mean, are they really that important? Are they worth the stress and anxiety they're causing? Probably not. Yet we hold onto them like our sanity depends on getting every single thing done perfectly. It's almost like we're afraid to let go as if dropping one ball will cause the entire juggling act of our lives to come crashing down.

So here's what I want you to do. Think about all the things that are stressing you out right now. The emails piling up, the errands you forgot to run, the dog hair that's taken over your entire living room, or the fact that your kid's art project looks like a crime scene and definitely won't make it onto any Pinterest board.

If it helps, [00:15:00] write them down. Get them out of your head and onto paper where you can see them. Now go through that list and ask yourself this very important question. Will this matter in a week? A month? A year? If the answer is no, guess what? Put it on your fucket list and let it go. There's a psychological principle called the Zagarnik effect, which basically means that unfinished tasks can cause intrusive thoughts and stress. By consciously deciding which tasks to let go of, you're reducing cognitive load and freeing up mental space for what really matters. There's no point in using up your precious mental energy on things that don't actually matter in the long run. I know it's hard to let go. I get it. We're so conditioned to think that being busy means being productive, but sometimes being busy just means being [00:16:00] stressed. It's like we're addicted to this idea that unless we're doing 50 different things at once, we're not doing enough.

But I promise you, your life won't fall apart if you let some non essential slide. I used to stress myself out trying to cook every dinner at home because that's what I thought a balanced person did. I had this image in my head of what a perfect day looked like. Working, being a great partner, maintaining a clean house, and cooking these picture perfect meals from scratch.

But I fucking hate cooking. It's not relaxing for me. It's quite stressful actually. And trying to keep up with this unrealistic expectation I had set for myself was burning me out. So now I'm all about what's going to make things easier on myself. Some nights, dinner is a Costco pre made meal. I mean, have y'all had their meatloaf?

It is really good. And I don't even like meatloaf that much. [00:17:00] And this is not a sponsored ad. I just really like the Costco meatloaf. And some nights, it's peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And you know what? Nobody's died from it yet. So I guess we're doing okay. The point is, sometimes you have to ask yourself, is this really worth the stress?

And if the answer is no, then it's okay to let it go. Now I'm not saying you should ignore all your responsibilities. I mean, some things, like paying bills or showing up to work, obviously still need to get done. But there are other things you can absolutely put on your fuck it list for the sake of your own mental health.

Didn't make it to the gym today? That's okay. Put it on the list. You'll go tomorrow. Forgot to reply to that group text? No big deal. On the list. The laundry pile is taller than you are? It's not going anywhere. It can wait. Put it on the list. [00:18:00] Your mental health and well being are worth more than stressing over these minor things.

It's really about prioritizing your peace over perfection. Because nobody's gonna remember whether you made it to the gym every single day or if you let the laundry pile up for a few extra days. What they will remember is how you showed up as a person, your energy, your presence, your attitude. And you can't show up as the best version of yourself.

If you're constantly buried under a mountain of stress over things that in the end don't really matter. And if anyone tells you otherwise, well, they can go on your bucket list too.

Now, this next one might sound a little goofy, but stick with me. Have you ever tried a power pose? You know, standing like Wonder Woman, hands on hips, feet firmly planted, chest out like you're about to save the world. [00:19:00] Yeah, it might feel a bit ridiculous, but there's some real science behind it actually.

It's pretty. Back in 2010, Harvard psychologist, Amy Cuddy and her colleagues conducted a groundbreaking study that showed how your body posture can actually influence your mind. They had participants hold either high power poses like Wonder Woman or low power poses like slouching or crossing your arms for just two minutes.

What they found was fascinating. The people who held high power poses showed an increase in testosterone levels. The hormone linked to confidence and assertiveness and a decrease in cortisol. Remember, that's the stress hormone. This means that your body language doesn't just reflect how you feel, it can actually shape how you feel.

By standing tall, taking up space and holding yourself in a posture of strength, you're essentially telling your brain, I've got this. [00:20:00] It's a simple way to hack your own physiology and mindset. Making you feel more confident and less stressed in a matter of minutes. I mean, think about it. We've all had those moments where we're about to walk into a big meeting, give a presentation or have a difficult conversation.

And suddenly our confidence tanks, our shoulders slump. We look down and we start immediately doubting ourselves. It's like our body is physically shrinking to match that sinking feeling inside. But when you strike a power pose, you're flipping that script. You're saying, Nope, I'm here. I'm strong and I'm ready.

And actually studies have shown that people who practice power poses before stressful situations perform better. They're more likely to speak clearly assertively and persuasively. Why? Because they're not stuck in the stress response. Their bodies [00:21:00] are in a state that supports calm, confident thinking.

And here's where it gets even more interesting. Your body language doesn't just affect you. It affects the people around you too. When you walk into a room with a strong, confident posture, people are more likely to perceive you as competent, capable, and in control. They're more likely to listen to what you have to say, take your ideas seriously.

And respond positively to your presence. It's like a ripple effect of confidence. In fact, another study published in Psychological Science found that people who adopted expansive, open postures before job interviews were rated more highly and were more likely to be hired than those who held more closed, contracted postures.

These candidates didn't just look more confident, they felt more confident and it showed in how they presented themselves.

So the [00:22:00] next time you're about to go into a big meeting, negotiate a raise or you just need to feel a little more like a badass. Find a private spot and strike that power pose. I'm not saying you should do this in the middle of a crowded office unless you want to give your coworker something to talk about, but maybe sneak into the bathroom, find an empty conference room, or even do it in your car before you head inside.

I swear you'll feel like you can take on anything that comes your way badass is the first step to feeling like one. And another quick fix, just move. And no, I'm not telling you to suddenly drop everything and hit the gym for an hour, because let's be real, we don't always have time for that. I'm talking about taking just a few minutes to move your body.

It doesn't have to be anything fancy or structured. You don't need a plan, a playlist, or even a pair of workout leggings. Just get up and move. When stress builds up, it can feel [00:23:00] like your body is a pressure cooker about to explode. All that tension, frustration, and anxiety gets stored up in your muscles, making you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, literally.

But sometimes all it takes is a little walk around the block, or even around your house, to get those feel good endorphins to kick in and release that pressure. I mean, studies show that physical movement can reduce stress in a matter of minutes, but I don't need to tell you that because you've felt it before, right?

The relief of just walking it out for a few minutes when everything feels too overwhelming. And it's not just about the endorphins. Movement also helps to regulate your breathing and heart rate, which can get out of whack when you're stressed. It increases blood flow to your brain, helping you think more clearly and break out of that foggy, overwhelmed feeling. It helps shake off that stagnant energy and get you out of your head and back into your [00:24:00] body, even if it's just for a few minutes.

And you don't have to go for a run or do a hardcore workout to get these benefits. Sometimes it's just about changing your environment and getting your body moving in a way that feels good for you. Take a stroll around your house. Do some gentle stretches or even just shake out your arms and legs.

There's something incredibly freeing about letting your body move without any agenda or pressure. I mean, think about those moments when you're stuck in back to back zoom meetings, staring at the screen until your eyes feel like they're going to fall out of your head. You start to feel restless, your back hurts, and your brain probably feels like it's turned into mush.

That's your body screaming for a break. Instead of powering through, give yourself permission to step away from the computer, even if it's just for a few minutes. Walk to the bathroom, do a lap around your building, or even step outside and take [00:25:00] a few deep breaths. One of my favorite things to do when I'm feeling particularly stressed or overwhelmed is what I like to call a mindful walk.

I leave my phone behind or at least put it on silent in my pocket and I just walk. I focus on the sensation of my feet hitting the ground, the rhythm of my breath, the feel of the wind on my face. It's not about getting anywhere in particular or even about the exercise. It's about being present and giving my mind and body a chance to just reset.

And honestly, some of my best ideas and breakthroughs have come during these walks because I'm giving my brain permission to stop spinning its wheels and just be for a while. And if you're stuck inside and can't go for a walk, no problem. Try doing some easy stretches at your desk. Reach your arms overhead.

Roll your shoulders a few times. Twist gently from side to side to give your back a [00:26:00] little stretch. Or try some simple yoga poses like child's pose or downward dog. These movements help release tension in your muscles and give your mind a chance to focus on something other than whatever is stressing you out.

So the next time you feel stress building up, instead of reaching for your phone or grabbing another cup of coffee, Try moving your body instead. Okay, I've got one more trick up my sleeve, and this one's called the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. It's great for those moments when you're really spiraling and need to pull yourself back into the present.

You know, those times when your mind is racing faster than you can keep up and you're caught in a loop of anxious thoughts. Maybe you're dwelling on something that happened last week, or you're worrying about a meeting tomorrow, or your brain is playing out every possible worst case scenario in vivid technicolor detail.

That's when this technique works its magic. And it's such a simple process, [00:27:00] but it really does almost feel like magic when you're caught in that anxious whirlwind. Here's how it works. Start by looking around and naming five things you can see. This step shifts your attention away from the chaos in your mind and brings you back to your immediate environment.

It's the first step in reclaiming control over your thoughts. Then focus on four things you can feel, like the ground under your feet or your hands resting on the desk. This is about tuning into the physical sensations around you. When we're stressed, we tend to disconnect from our bodies, getting lost in the labyrinth of our thoughts.

This step helps re establish that mind body connection, anchoring you in the present moment. Next, listen for three things you can hear, like the hum of your computer, or even just the sound of your breathing. Or, for me, sometimes it's the snoring dog behind me. [00:28:00] By focusing on the actual sounds around you, you're creating a mental pause button.

A chance to mute that relentless internal chatter going on in your mind. Now, take a deep breath. You remember how to do that properly now, right? And identify two things you can smell. Hopefully, something pleasant. Maybe it's the scent of your morning coffee lingering in the air, the faint fragrance of a candle, or even the familiar smell of your office or home.

Our sense of smell is deeply connected to our memories and emotions. By tuning into it, you're giving your mind a moment to shift away from anxiety and towards something more tangible and grounding.

And finally, think of one thing you can taste, even if it's just the lingering flavor of your last cup of coffee or maybe a piece of gum. This step is often the trickiest because taste isn't always readily available. It's not about the [00:29:00] taste itself, really. It's about drawing your attention to a very specific sensory detail, which helps anchor you further into the present.

This technique is based on a form of mindfulness grounding, which is designed to interrupt the cycle of stress and anxiety, pulling your focus away from whatever's freaking you out and back into the here and now. Mindfulness practices like this one can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety and improve emotional regulation. When you're in a heightened state of anxiety, your brain's amygdala, the part responsible for your fight or flight response, is in overdrive. It's like your internal alarm system is going off even when there's no real threat.

The 5 4 3 2 1 method helps activate your prefrontal cortex. the rational part of your brain that can soothe the amygdala and say, Hey, we're safe right now. We don't need to panic by engaging your [00:30:00] senses. You're effectively flipping the switch from emotional reactivity to calm, logical thinking. I use this technique a lot during those early COVID days, especially when everything felt like it was spinning out of control.

It helped me stay present and focused instead of getting lost in a sea of what ifs and worst case scenarios. It doesn't make the stress disappear necessarily, but it gives you a lifeline, a way to pull yourself back when you're being swept away by the current of your own thoughts. And the best part is you can use it anywhere, anytime.

Nobody even has to know you're doing it. It's like having a secret superpower you can pull out whenever you need to hit pause on your anxiety and get back to the present moment. So here's the deal. Stress is always going to be there lurking in the background. It's just a fact of life. We're not going to eliminate it entirely and frankly, you wouldn't want to.

A little stress can be a good thing. It keeps us on our toes, [00:31:00] pushes us to meet deadlines and helps us grow. Think about it. If we were completely stress free all the time, we'd probably get a lot less done and life would be pretty boring. Stress isn't inherently bad. It's how we handle it that makes all the difference.

The trick is learning how to manage it so it doesn't take over your life. Because when stress is calling the shots, it impacts everything. Your sleep, your relationships, your productivity, your health. The best part about the strategies I shared with you today is that they're simple, effective, and you can start using any of them right now. You don't need special equipment, a perfect environment, or a 30 day challenge to see results. And you definitely don't need to wait for a crisis to start implementing these tools.

In fact, the more you practice them in your everyday life, the more natural they become and the better equipped you'll be to handle whatever life throws at you. I hope you'll at least try one of these techniques this [00:32:00] week to see what happens. And I truly hope you'll be surprised at how much of a difference even a small change can make.

The goal is to have a toolbox of strategies you can turn to when things get tough, so you can handle stress with more ease and grace, and still show up as your best self even when life is throwing curveballs. And if you do try one of these techniques, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a DM on Instagram to share your experience, what worked for you, and even what didn't.

And hey, if you have a minute, leave a positive review. It's not just for me, though I won't lie, it does make my day to hear your feedback. But it helps more stressed out multitaskers find the show and join our little crew of balanced badasses. We're building a community here. A space where we can be real about the struggles and support each other in finding our own version of balance and badassery.

Because at the end of the day, we're all just doing the best we can, and [00:33:00] that's more than enough. So thanks for hanging out with me today. I appreciate you taking the time to tune in, and I hope you found something here that helps you feel a little more in control, a little more grounded, and a little more like the badass you are. Because you are a badass. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise.