What Burnout Really Is (And What It’s Not)

In this episode, Tara tackles the topic of burnout and what it really means. She breaks down the signs and symptoms that indicate you might be sliding into burnout territory, like constant exhaustion, emotional drain, and feeling detached from things that used to bring you joy. Tara also clears up some common misconceptions about burnout—like the idea that it only affects overachievers or that it can be fixed with a quick vacation. She emphasizes that burnout can happen to anyone, and recognizing it is the first step in addressing it.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Burnout quiz to assess your situation
• List of 10 signs you're headed toward burnout
• Handy boundary-setting scripts to protect your time and energy

You can grab them all at https://tarakermiet.com/free-resources/.

Check out the detailed show notes (https://tarakermiet.com/podcast/) and leave your thoughts or questions about today's topic.

00:00 Introduction to Burnout

01:43 Burnout: A Deeper Dive

03:19 Recognizing Burnout in Everyday Life

05:14 Understanding Emotional Exhaustion

06:46 Depersonalization and Reduced Accomplishment

09:57 Common Misconceptions About Burnout

13:38 Rethinking Limits: Simone Biles' Impact

13:56 The Myth of Quick Fixes for Burnout

14:47 My Personal Burnout Journey

17:40 Recognizing Burnout: Key Signs

21:32 Strategies to Combat Burnout

24:39 Redefining Success and Final Thoughts

Need a little more balance and a lot more badass in your life? Check out my 1:1 coaching sessions designed to help you tackle your biggest challenges, manage stress, and create a personalized plan for success. Your first 30-minute session is free! Visit tarakermiet.com to get started. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Burnout
• 2:29 Burnout: A Deeper Dive
• 4:05 Recognizing Burnout in Everyday Life
• 6:00 Understanding Emotional Exhaustion
• 7:32 Depersonalization and Reduced Accomplishment
• 10:43 Common Misconceptions About Burnout
• 14:24 Rethinking Limits: Simone Biles' Impact
• 14:42 The Myth of Quick Fixes for Burnout
• 15:33 My Personal Burnout Journey
• 18:26 Recognizing Burnout: Key Signs
• 23:02 Strategies to Combat Burnout

Transcript

[00:00:00] You know, when I hear the word burnout, I can't help but picture those poor overworked folks who are running around like chickens with their heads cut off. It actually reminds me of that classic friends episode where Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica go to the discount wedding dress shop. I don't know if you know the one, but Monica's there looking for a specific dress and she gives whistles to Rachel and Phoebe.

So that way. Whenever whoever finds the dress first, they blow their whistle. The other two can come and assist with fighting off the women as needed, right? Because it's a discount dress shop, I guess. Anyways, so here we are. They're there shopping. In the mad rush trying to find the dress and Monica and Rachel are both blowing their whistles at the same time like repetitively trying to get Phoebe's attention while Phoebe is just going back and forth screaming I don't know what to do.

It's [00:01:00] seriously one of my favorite episodes because it's chaotic and honestly it's like really funny but in real life probably not so amusing. Burnout is that heavy feeling of being pulled in a million directions at once. You start out thinking you can handle it all. Meetings, deadlines, social commitments, until suddenly you're gasping for air, wondering how you ended up on the hot mess express. One minute you're feeling on top of the world and the next you are staring blankly at your computer, not even sure how you got there.

And the wild part? You might still be getting shit done while feeling like a total hot mess inside. That's why we're going to explore what burnout really means. How to recognize it, what it looks like in our lives, and just as importantly, what it isn't. Because let's face it, burnout is often misunderstood.

It's not just about working too [00:02:00] hard or being busy all the time. Hell, you could be clocking a normal 40 hour week and still feel that weight pressing down on you. You could even have a part time job and still feel that way. Research published in the American Journal of Health Promotion shows that feelings of chronic stress and lack of fulfillment can lead to burnout, regardless of the hours you clock in.

It's about the intensity of your work and how aligned it is with your values. If you're pouring your heart into a job that feels meaningless, that's a recipe for burnout, my friend. But it's not just the late nights at the office or endless Zoom meetings that get us. Burnout can sneak up on you in those quiet moments too, like when you're supposed to be relaxing but can't shake that nagging guilt that you should be doing something productive instead.

You know what I mean, right? You plop down on the couch for a quick break, and suddenly you're spiraling into that guilt trip about that mountain of [00:03:00] laundry or that project you're behind on. This internal battle can be exhausting and is often a precursor to burnout. It's like your brain is on overdrive running through all the things you haven't done yet instead of letting you just freaking enjoy a well deserved moment of rest.

Well, today we're going to chat about the myths around burnout. Like the idea that only the super ambitious folks get burned out or that it means you're weak. Burnout can hit anyone. CEOs, busy parents, students, you name it, it doesn't discriminate.

According to the Mayo Clinic, factors like lack of support, feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities, and unfulfilling work can affect anyone, regardless of their position or ambition. So if you're feeling burned out, it doesn't mean you're not tough enough. We'll also dig into how burnout shows up in your day to day [00:04:00] life.

From that constant tiredness to feeling emotionally drained when you should be enjoying time with friends or family. Because the emotional toll of burnout can lead to feelings of detachment and reduced personal accomplishment, which can impact your relationships and your overall quality of life. When you're not fully present with your loved ones or doing the things that you used to enjoy, that's a huge sign that burnout has taken root. If you've ever felt like you're sitting at dinner with friends, but mentally you're somewhere else entirely, you get what I mean here. That's burnout waving its ugly hand.

And just as important, we'll talk about what burnout isn't, because understanding that can help clarify what you might really be feeling. Many people confuse burnout with simply being tired or stressed, but burnout is a more profound state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that often leads to a lack of motivation and feelings of helplessness.[00:05:00] 

Whether you're just curious about burnout or you're feeling its effects firsthand, there's a lot to unpack here. So grab your whistle and let's get into some real talk about this issue. And I'm gonna start with what burnout really is. At its core, burnout is that delightful state of chronic stress that leaves you feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally wiped out.

It's like deciding to run a marathon without any training. Eventually your body just throws in the towel. And it's characterized by three main components, emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a reduced sense of personal accomplishment. Let's break these down a bit. Emotional exhaustion is often the most obvious red flag.

You know that feeling when you're running on empty? Yeah, that's the one. You might feel totally drained and like you can't cope with even the simplest of tasks. A study from the International [00:06:00] Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found that this emotional exhaustion is one of the biggest predictors of burnout among professionals.

So if you're feeling like a zombie, you're not alone. Many others are riding that struggle bus right along with you. Hell, some may be driving it. When you're in this state, the things that once excited you start to feel like a chore. Remember when you used to look forward to Friday night plans? Now it feels like a mandatory obligation, not a joy.

And that motivation you once had? Yeah, it's ghosting you hard. You might even find yourself scrolling through your phone for hours instead of tackling that to do list. Your emotional battery is low, and you're left trying to run on fumes. Next up is depersonalization, which is basically burnout's way of turning you into a bit of a robot.

When you're burned out, you might start feeling detached from your work and the people around you. It's kind of like you're [00:07:00] watching your life through a foggy window. You go through the motions, but lack any real emotional connection. And individuals experiencing depersonalization often develop a cynical attitude toward their job and coworkers.

You might catch yourself thinking, why do I even bother? Or feeling like nothing really matters, so why should you even invest in it? it's a defense mechanism really. You're trying to shield yourself from the emotional toll of the chaos around you. Then we have the third component. A reduced sense of personal accomplishment.

This is where you start to feel like your efforts don't matter. And that can be a real kick to the gut. You might be doing the same tasks, but they no longer feel fulfilling. You're cranking out the work, but it feels like you're stuck on a treadmill going nowhere fast. Research shows that this feeling of reduced personal accomplishment can lead to a lack of self esteem and a persistent sense of failure.

You start thinking, am I even good at my [00:08:00] job? Or why can't I just handle this? When your self worth is tied up in your work, burnout can hit especially hard. The World Health Organization even weighed in on this defining burnout as an occupational phenomenon. That's fancy talk for saying it's tied to your work environment.

This got official recognition in the international classification of diseases in 2019. Which just goes to show how serious of an issue this is becoming. Think about it. How many hours do we actually spend working each week, often way more than we do on self-care or just chilling out? We're talking about a serious imbalance here, but it's not just about your job.

Burnout has a sneaky way of creeping into every corner of your life, making everything feel like one giant burden. You might think, I've got this. But your brain and body might be sending you a very different message. The stress from your job can spill over and wreak havoc on your [00:09:00] personal life, throwing your relationships and overall wellbeing into a freaking tornado.

In fact, a study by Gallup found that people who feel burned out at work are way more likely to deal with health issues like anxiety, depression, and even serious stuff like heart disease. Oh, and they also tend to disconnect from friends and family. Which just adds to the isolation. Fun, right? And let's talk about the societal pressure we face.

We live in a world that glorifies being busy and hustling 24 7. It's like there's an unspoken rule that if you're not constantly on the go, you're somehow failing. But let's get real. Ignoring those burnout signs until they're waving a big red flag is a recipe for disaster. 

Are you truly handling it all, or are you just keeping your head above water, faking it till you make it? It's crucial to check in with yourself before burnout throws you overboard. Now that we've unpacked what burnout really [00:10:00] is, let's set the record straight on some common misconception surrounding it.

Seriously, there's a lot of confusion out there and it's time we have an honest chat about what burnout truly means. First off, let's tackle the myth that burnout only happens to overachievers, the people who are always burning the midnight oil or taking on too much at work. Burnout can hit anyone regardless of how ambitious or hardworking you are.

It doesn't matter if you're a stay at home parent or a corporate executive. Burnout does not discriminate. You could be someone who puts in a normal 40 hour week and still find yourself feeling completely overwhelmed. So if you're feeling burned out, it doesn't mean you're not working hard enough. In fact, burnout often stems from feeling like you're constantly under pressure.

Regardless of the hours you clock in, you could literally be doing everything right and still find yourself in the burnout zone. Another misconception is that burnout is simply a by product of [00:11:00] being busy. Sure. Being overworked can definitely contribute to it, but that's not the only part of the picture.

I heard a saying once that like a carrot. doesn't make soup, right? You have a carrot sitting in front of you. That does not mean it is soup. It is an ingredient to soup. Being overworked is the same for burnout. It's an ingredient to burnout, but there's so many other factors at play. Burnout can also arise from feeling unfulfilled or unsupported in your role.

Imagine grinding away at a standard schedule, but realizing your work lacks any meaning or recognition. That's a surefire way to feel exhausted and unmotivated. And we know from the research that job satisfaction plays a huge role in preventing burnout. Gallup revealed that employees who find a purpose in their work are significantly less likely to experience burnout.

If you're pouring your energy into work, that feels [00:12:00] pointless. You're going to end up running on empty real quick. Then there's the idea that burnout is some kind of personal failure. If you're in the thick of it, you might think it's because you're not managing your time well enough or that you should just toughen up and be more resilient.

But let's be clear here. That's just not true. Burnout is a response to prolonged stress, and it's not a reflection of your worth or capabilities. It's a sign that something needs to change in your environment or your approach. It's actually a natural response to an unhealthy situation, not a character flaw.

Hell, even the most resilient people have their breaking points. It's a reminder that we're all human and we all have limits. I mean, just look at Simone Biles. She's one of the most decorated gymnasts in history and a total badass. And yet during the Tokyo Olympics, she made the brave [00:13:00] decision to step back for her mental health.

In a world where we often equate success with pushing through pain and exhaustion, especially for athletes like Simone, her choice was a powerful statement. It was a wake up call for many, reminding us that prioritizing mental health and well being is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to strength and self awareness.

Even at the peak of her career, she recognized that her health, both mental and physical, had to come first. Her actions sparked conversations about mental health, especially in high pressure environments. And guess what? It opened the door for many people to rethink how they approach their own limits. If someone like Simone Biles can prioritize her mental health amidst the world's spotlight, then we can all afford to take a moment and check in with ourselves, right?

And while we're here, [00:14:00] let's talk about the notion that burnout can be fixed with a weekend getaway or a quick vacation. While taking time off can help you recharge temporarily, it doesn't address the underlying issues that caused your burnout in the first place. If you don't make changes to your workload, your boundaries, or your self care routine, you'll likely find yourself right back where you started.

It's like putting a band aid on a broken leg. sure the leg might look fine from the outside, but underneath, it's still in serious need of attention. You need to find sustainable ways to manage stress and prioritize your well being. So as we continue this conversation about burnout, I want you to keep these misconceptions in mind.

They're important to understand because they shape how we view ourselves and our experiences. Now I want to share a little bit about my own journey with burnout or at least one moment in particular that really opened my eyes to the reality of it all.

A few years ago, I decided to pursue my EDD while working a full time job. [00:15:00] On top of that, I was navigating the early stages of a new relationship. Exciting, but also a whole new set of commitments and expectations that I wasn't really prepared for. And just to add a cherry on top, we were still in the thick of COVID.

Talk about fun times. At first I was excited. I mean, you don't just jump into something like a doctorate program without really knowing that's what you want. And hell, I actually thought I could handle it all. The planner in me had it all figured out. I knew exactly when I was going to study, how I was going to continue advancing in my career, and when I was going to spend quality time with my partner.

I was 100 percent convinced I could make it all work. But as the months wore on, the weight of everything started to pile up. The stress of it all was making everything feel heavier. I was constantly in the state of anxiety trying to balance school deadlines with work projects and a personal life. Plus the uncertainty of the world around me really didn't help either.[00:16:00] 

COVID was like this omnipresent shadow adding to my stress levels without me even really realizing it. I was constantly exhausted, emotionally drained, and feeling like I was losing touch with who I was. The stress started seeping into every aspect of my life, blurring the lines between work, school, and my personal time.

I started to notice that I was always tired, even after a full night's sleep. I'd wake up feeling like I hadn't rested at all. My brain felt foggy and my motivation plummeted. I'd find myself zoning out during meetings, unable to focus on the simplest tasks. And what should have been fun moments with my partner turned into another item on my never ending to do list.

Plus, I was snapping at loved ones over little things and withdrawing from activities that I once enjoyed. Eventually I hit a wall. I realized I wasn't just overwhelmed. I was flat out burned [00:17:00] out. I had been pushing myself to the brink without even considering my own needs. And it took a serious toll. I started questioning everything. My job, my relationship, and whether pursuing my EDD was even worth it. It wasn't by the way. After some serious reflection and a lot of soul searching, I made the tough decision to quit the program.

It was hard to let go of that goal, but deep down I knew I needed to prioritize my mental health. It was certainly a lesson in understanding my limits and recognizing that sometimes stepping back is the bravest thing you can do. So how do you know if you're experiencing burnout? Sometimes it can be tricky to pinpoint when you're teetering on the edge.

I know, because I've been there. Let's kick it off with one of the biggest red flags. That constant feeling of exhaustion. You could be racking up a solid eight hours of sleep every night, but if you wake up feeling like you [00:18:00] just got steamrolled by a truck, that's a serious problem. It's like your body is waving a big old flag saying, Hey, I need a break here.

But instead of listening to those signals, we often push through thinking we can just power our way through the fatigue. But unfortunately, that strategy doesn't work in the long run. Because chronic sleep deprivation and exhaustion can impair cognitive function, emotional regulation, and overall performance.

In fact, folks who reported high levels of fatigue also experienced significant drops in productivity and job satisfaction. Up to 30 percent lower performance, to be exact. Ignoring those warning signs can set you up for a crash. Your body is trying to tell you something, so don't brush it off. Then there's the emotional drain.

I can tell you from experience that when you find yourself feeling irritable and anxious all the damn time, it's a sign that something's off. Little things that wouldn't have bothered you before suddenly start to set you off. [00:19:00] Maybe you snap at your partner for leaving a cap off the toothpaste, or you get unreasonably frustrated by a minor work hiccup.

I mean, we've all been there. One minute you're cool as a cucumber and the next you're crying in the kitchen because you spilled your coffee. That's not a normal response in case you were wondering. Or that joy you once felt spending time with loved ones. Yeah, it starts to feel like another chore on your to do list.

And let's not even talk about how the guilt of not being fully present can make everything worse. When your emotional responses start to shift like that, it's a clear indicator that burnout is creeping in. You might wonder what's wrong with you and beat yourself up for not handling things better, but let me tell you, that's a common reaction when burnout takes hold.

In fact, these emotional symptoms and responses can actually lead to increased anxiety and depression. Further complicating the whole ordeal. Another big sign is the way you tackle [00:20:00] tasks. Or more accurately, the way those tasks start to tackle you. Have you ever sat in a meeting and felt like you were zoning out completely?

Like your brain was just buffering? Or when you finally sit down to tackle something straightforward, it feels like you're trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. Classic signs of burnout. Also, your motivation dips faster than your phone battery on a busy day. And instead of concentrating on what's in front of you, you find yourself procrastinating or getting distracted by anything else.

Your phone, the snacks in the pantry, hell, even someone walking by the window with a cute dog. And physical symptoms are another big red flag. For me, it showed up as persistent migraines and stomach issues. It felt like my body was rejecting me, and it was constantly on high alert, ready to explode at any moment.

You get the idea. If you start noticing these kinds of aches and pains without a clear [00:21:00] cause, it's your body trying to tell you something important. The Mayo Clinic notes that stress can manifest physically, causing a range of symptoms from headaches to gastrointestinal problems. It's your body saying, hey, I need some TLC here.

So keep an eye out for these signs because recognizing them early on can make a world of difference in preventing burnout from taking over your life. And you know what? Burnout doesn't just magically go away. You can't just sweep it under the rug and forget about it because you will end up tripping over it.

If you find yourself sliding into that burnout zone, there are some things you can do to claw your way back to sanity. First and foremost, acknowledge it. Recognizing that you're feeling burned out is the first step to addressing it. You've got to own how you're feeling. It might sound simple, but for many of us, admitting we're overwhelmed can feel like admitting defeat, but it's totally okay to say I'm not [00:22:00] okay right now, this is a big deal because it's the first step toward making a change.

And the world is not going to stop spinning. If you take a moment for yourself. In fact, it'll probably keep spinning much better if you do. Next up is setting boundaries. I know it's tempting to take on more and be the hero of your own story, but you really have to learn to say no sometimes.

Overcommitting only adds to the chaos and can push you deeper into that burnout pit. A study published in the journal of occupational health psychology found that individuals who set clear boundaries around their work and personal time reported lower levels of burnout by nearly 30%. Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask before helping others. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anyone else.

And then there's self care. Now I know that sounds like a buzzword, but it's not just about bubble baths and fancy facials. It's about figuring out what truly recharges you. Maybe it's [00:23:00] getting enough sleep, going for a walk, or just taking a moment to breathe deeply and reset. Even the smallest acts of self care can have a significant impact on your overall wellbeing and resilience to stress.

For instance, taking just 10 minutes a day for mindfulness or meditation can help reduce stress levels and increase focus. Whatever it is, make sure you're doing things that nourish your soul and help you reconnect with yourself. Now, when you look at your to do list, have you ever thought about whether the things on there even align with what really matters to you?

I mean, sometimes we find ourselves chasing goals that don't even resonate anymore, and that can really wear us down. It's worth taking a moment to think about what's truly important in your life and adjusting your commitments accordingly. People who focus on meaningful goals report higher levels of satisfaction and lower levels of stress.

So, what are you chasing that's meaningful to you?

And let's not forget about reaching [00:24:00] out for help when you need it. Seriously, if burnout feels like too much to handle, don't hesitate to get professional support. Therapists, coaches, and counselors can offer guidance tailored just for you. They can provide strategies to help you navigate your feelings and develop coping mechanisms.

Trust me, asking for help is a sign of strength. In fact, those who seek support from professionals experience faster recovery from burnout. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and say, I need support. And let me tell you, you don't have to do this alone. There's a whole community out there ready to back you up.

If nothing else, I really want you to take away one key message from today. Burnout is not a badge of honor. It doesn't mean you're not working hard enough or that you're weak. It just means you're human and we all have our limits. Recognizing yours is vital for maintaining your health and happiness. We live in a culture that [00:25:00] glorifies hustle and relentless ambition.

It's like we wear our busyness with pride, but pushing through the pain is not sustainable. Numerous studies highlight the long term consequences of ignoring burnout, including anxiety disorders, depression, and even physical health issues like heart disease and obesity. When we wear burnout like a badge, we're essentially saying that our health and happiness take a backseat to our productivity, and that's just not okay.

Life is not a race, and your worth isn't measured by how much you can juggle. It's time to redefine success to include your mental and emotional well being. I really appreciate you hanging out with me today as we unpacked this important topic. Your time is valuable and I am so grateful you chose to spend it here.

If you're feeling burned out or want to learn more about it, I've got some great resources for you in the show notes. You'll find a burnout [00:26:00] quiz to help you assess your situation, a list of the 10 signs you're headed toward burnout, and some handy boundary setting scripts to help you protect your time and energy.

These free tools are designed to empower you and give you actionable steps to take back control of your life because knowledge is power and being proactive is the best defense against burnout. I encourage you to take one actionable step today, whether that's taking the burnout quiz, setting a new boundary, or simply reaching out to someone you trust to talk about how you're feeling.

Also, please consider sharing this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. Together we can all support each other in navigating these tricky waters. Sometimes just knowing someone else is in the same boat can make all the difference. Yes, burnout is real. But it doesn't have to be your reality forever.

Until next time, take care of yourself, friend.